How do you know if its

Been holdin on for to long,

but were is left to run.

hidin words that kill your last care,

smoke and mirrors for all that you care.

This is no message in a card,

this is no message in a bottle waitin to greet you.

I dont know how long its been going on but I cant forgive you.

Your diffrent from the man i knew

the system has maybe for sure finaly beat you.

Details please, postcodes and such.

Your hungry and already had lunch.

In the thick of it and noone to help,

you are on your last life with only one way out.

The cool breeze warms you,
late nights harm you,
your diffrent from the man I knew.
were did your love go?
when did the sparkle in your eye fizzil out?
when did everything change so much to the point you forgot how to dance?
silent storms that freeze your soul bare,
the cold warms you,
your tryin to rember/or work out the point it all went wrong,
for if you were to find it then maybe you could make all wrong gone?!

?!?!

Well should i call??

Or as ever should I not??

She asked me, tho didnt give me her number..

I got her number, tho should I use it as it was given??

Confused and what to do?
I like her but whats the use?
I am a burnt out shell with nothing to lose...
Tho with nothing to lose means nothing to miss,
I could and may as well, tho as always im tired i guess.

Well...

I finaly split with my girlfriend. It has been the longest relsonship I have been in and fair play to the girl she put up with a lot, in away I seen her as abit of a saint. I if honest have never met someone so friendly and kind and her family is the same too. Although it was comin it still it is sad and these things are never easy I just hope that she moves on and find a man who will treat her right and if honest I would like to vet future boyfriends to make sure they are right and not going to fuck her over, tho thta might be abit to far!!

marzipan mondays, and its wednesday.

im tryin to move, but no were is far enought.

and i cant hide, tho i try and run yet stuck to the same spot.

its the land of the lost and noone can find me because noone is lookin.

im pointless and my faden voice talks of hearts broke,

a line of coke could liven it up,

but a cut could probly do the same with out leaven as much of a mark.

a bright spark thats faded and heart no longer worth a beatin.

what is the use in carryin on when everythings wrong.

who have i become?

And is it time i was leaving?

?

Why does it take so long to try and get myself off the computer and go to bed, I am not even lookin at anything or there is no reason to stay on but for some reason I find it hard to move.....


Melt............

Weltschmerz

You could make my sun rise
And I wouldnt need to be alone tonight!
I want to ask you to dance but there is no music..
And the truth is im here alone by myself with nothing or noone by my side
Barr my wounded pride and dry mouth.
Lips stuck to my teeth,
And in my heart no reason to ever return were you may call home,
It's just a empty shell of a house.
It's just round the corner,
It's not you,
It's me....
And I wish sorry would be enought but that would never do,
And I know what your thinkin but my dear trust me I'am the fool.
I could lie as I always seem to do.
But if time wont mend a broken heart then maybe the less of the truth you knew would?
And we could go on,
And I could do the paper run on a Sunday,
And we could be happy,
But I never could!
The dark of my heart as ever takes rule.

!?

The thing I hate about the blog is I often spend hours on end thinkin of what to write and think of great things but have well forgot them or lost the feelin of helplessness that I have when thinkin of what to write. So if you read this blog I am sorry I have probly forgot the best things I have ever thought of before even get close to a computer.

!lost love and old age?!

I have been thinkin of changing the blog, insted of poems and tails of lost love and melted headness and that, I think a blog of a old man ragen and just blogs about what I hate oon the day....

I am not to sure but it seems like a good release.

Today I hate work, it melts me. I hate travelin two hour odds to get to and from work then tryin to get fit in the gym after this. Eatting right is one of the hardest things, I just love suger so much...

Such is life.......

???

Do you ever looks at peoples houses, or like me looks at photos on people facebook (easyer then haven to enter someones house and look at it as you dont have to make the smalle talk!) and see photos of them in there house or maybe someone elses house, and look at the shit ornaments or stuff.

The thing I find most offencive is the shit art work that all seems the same. Mybe due to workin a short time in Next I have had more then my fair share of looking at this crap and so it hurts me more then ever.

For me I feel for so long I have no chose to choose life, I prefare records, art is more exsclusive to the point I probly cant afford it. Like when I check out sales and end up lookin at the full price stuff (why the fuck is that?)!!

I did a 6 to 2.15am slot for the belfast branch of my work today, it was a stock take, it was shit. Again I wonder am I cut out for this line of work and should I do something else? Is there anything else out there i can do and can do it well?

Help me................ !