The weight of the unspoken

The places I've been,

The things I've seen. 

That wasn't my hurt, 

But I felt the sting. 

Carried that fear, 

Turned it into anxiety 

That wasn't my own. 

Wasn't safe even in 

What I called home. 

We fuked up, 

Scared to talk. 

Which made the scars

Dark and long. 

And things that 

You shouldn't carry alone. 

You can't dance it off, 

Or drink the pain away. 

Smacking out is sweet 

But you got to face it 

On Sunday. 

The burden grows heavy. 

The weight hurts those 

That love you. 

Because if you can't say what's wrong,

Then no one can help. 

The feelings never leave, 

And the words are so heavy. 

Your mouth drys as you try 

But play it off again. 

Be me

 Urban decay

Half truths

And pills to numb us, 

But never takes the pain away. 

I've over thought it, 

That takes the fun away. 

And when it's night time

I won't be able to sleep anyway. 

Uppers and downers, 

Just want to feel alive for a while,

Not even a day.

Just feel more

Then a need to need

Someone who needs me.

Someone who will stay.

Someone I don't need to impress

And I can be me.

Hello, didn't see you

 Clean my own cooker,

Wash my own briefs.

Yet and still

I lack confidence

And

Although I've practiced

A 100 things to say,

All I got is hello

And eyes that don't see.

A heart scared off rejection,

And a mind over thinking

The worse that could be.

Even though I hoover my own floor,

And change my own sheets.

Scared to fail,

Even though at lest I'd know.

Then move on

And create another

Endless scenario. 

Welcome the new day

Arguments with yourself 

At this hour can never be won.  

Sadly the feeling of unrest 

Isn't so easy undone.  

The bed feels uncomfortable 

No matter how much I toss or turn. T

he night grows darker 

Just like the feelings off doom.

The mind won't rest,

Going over things

That I need to let go and forget.

Need to forgive

The chest tight

As the birds sing,

Welcoming the sunlight. 

Diy

King of the bag,

Sore nose included. 

The sleepless nights, 

Everyday 

The on going flight or fight. 

The over thinking wears me out. 

Always wrong, 

even when I'm right. 

Change my own bed clothes 

And put my wash on. 

Clean my own dishes, 

Put away my own socks. 

You have to be independent

To be lonely, 

Scared to ask for help. 

Carry my own weight. 

Do it myself. 

I feel. 

Be more normal

 Dark and long,

When did it stop being fun?

Monday comes to quick,

And work makes me feel

Stressed and sick.

I can't work out

Who will i be today? 

All the masks to wear, 

But

I've only ever been me.

But never enough is never enough.

And I've been on this journey

Dark and long enough.

Smiles hide

When I don't know what to say.

It's OK,

It falls on deaf ears

And pushed away.

The stress eats away.

Who am I?

Or who will I pretend to be today?

The want to stay in bed.

Play dead.

Nothing changes,

Just the weather.

And wither or not I'll stay.

You lose hope

When the doctors have nothing

To stop the pain. 

To slow my mind. 

Lonely late nights,

And lost days.

Doesn't matter if the sun shines

I try and mask,

Be more normal.

Get a habit

And let it kill you. 

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 To be wrong

As my nose runs. 

The dog wants to go to bed. 

I want to drink til I forget. 

No one answers the messages I sent. 

No one knows the mess I'm in. 

I can't stop, 

Cause I just want to stop thinking.