The monster that is me

 Demons in my dreams

won't leave me be.

Forever on the run,

All nite I can't sleep.

Ghosts hunt my mind.

And the quiet of night

Means

Their voices are so loud.

And so I turn,

But the bed still

Isn't comfortable.

The images and voices

All come at once,

While my nose runs.

I had my fun.

I see the room get lighter

With the rising sun.

Birds singing

Just to rub it in.

A hour left and I fall asleep.

The demons still chase me.

But I stop feeling scared.

And stop to face

This demon,

The thing,

Only to see it was me.

I can't. Maybe.

 Take this runny nose

And point it home. 

I'm out of time. 

Clouds pass through me. 

Feels like Noone got to know me. 

Like a secret. 

The many layers 

Like an onion. 

More then one side 

Like a coin. 

I wish it didn't stop

Being fun.

The good times feel

A lifetime away.

The parties over,

And the final cans

Binned,

And ashtrays emptyed,

With the windows open,

To disperse the smell

Of smoke and good times. 

Selling out.

 One of a kind

In a world that

Tries to suffocate

The unique,

Steals it's essence,

And plagiarise it's soul.

Then mass-produceds

The stolen goods,

To sell as a life style,

To make you think

you are missing out.

To cheapen someone's very existence.

And make it profitable

For the shareholders.

Until they find someone else

To steal their life.

To rob them 

And sell 

What's not theirs. 

Money makes the world go round,

And cheapens

Stripping away authenticity,

In the hope to make it 

Easier to sell. 

No joy in the drink.

 Every fart is Russian roulette.

Filled with regret. 

The bank balance in the red. 

And despite it all, 

I'm still sad. 

This min

 No beer,

No gear,

Bag licked and all that's left 

Is the on coming fear. 

But the mind is more settled. 

Time keeps moving quick. 

Bedtime has come and gone. 

But you keep standing there. 

Staring at the phone, 

Wishing for a friend. 

Wishing to talk, 

To not feel alone 

Like you do at this min. 

The rattle off the bin

Everything and everything.

Lick the bag as I'm starting to sink. 

Can't tell others what I think. 

Don't want to leave the house. 

Don't want to think. 

When I think I start to sink. 

No one's coming to my birthday party, 

No cake, 

Just heart ache. 

The empty bottles rattle 

As I move the bin. 

The sound of wise up. 

But tbh I've just had enough. 

It's not fun anymore. 

It all becomes a blur. 

Endless days with only 

My own voice I hear. 

As I drown in beer

Wondering how I got here?

Do the antidepressants work?

How can I let go?

When it's all I have, 

The past and it's hurts. 

Born

I admit defeat,

Oops a daisy there goes me. 

The words to a song I can't sing.