Alone.

 Close your eyes and count the stars, 

you've forgiven me a thousand times, 

And I'm going to miss a thousand 

Or more kisses your going 

To give someone else. 

 But tonight I don't think I can be saved 

The dark offers no release.

Especially as I can't sleep. 

Too weak, 

Another bag, 

In too deep. 

A fool for one more. 

No one calls here anymore. 

And when I look i can only steal glances,

Never handsome enough for second chances. 

A clown, 

My own worse enemy. 

Imagine hating on me, 

While I'm at home, 

Hating on me. 

The things a kid shouldn't see. 

The need to need. 

One more for the road? 

"One more" 

I say out loud. 

No one is listening in a empty house. 

Runny nose and work is soon. 

One more just to so you don't feel alone. 

No cure before bed.

I'm looking for a cure. 

To end this endless battle 

And try to win this war. 

But my mind has other ideas. 

It doesn't care or so it seems. 

It just wants the easy route, 

Which then destroy my dreams.

With debt and making it impossible 

To get out of bed. 

Tonight my hurts hurt

 Never met your heros,

Is what they often say.

And never lick the plate,

To take the pain away.

Let the scars heal.

Try to rest your mind.

Don't get lost

In what you could of won.

There isn't a second price.

And life carries on.

And the friends you use to have,

Have all left and gone.

But you still remember

The songs you shared.

The times you dance together.

And you sing them songs,

No matter how much they hurt.

Because forgetting

Isn't an option.

For a over thinking mind.

And holding on

Is the only thing

To stop you sinking tonight.

Why?

 A hole in the soul.

Things I hold on to,

But need to let go.

Memories weigh

A Iife time on shoulders,

And take up too much time

On a mind,

That won't forget.

Silent tears escape

The antidepressants hold.

A leaf falls,

and flys on the wings of the wind.

Were you could never be so bold.

It's just one life,

One go.

Don't let the wind blow away,

Opportunities and chances.

As time flys by.

Just to look back and wonder

Why?

Believe you

I'm in love with the night,

For it hides my sins.

The moon light

For the win.

As I'm half listening.

My head filled with stories,

And excuses.

My heart wishing.

Scared to open my eyes.

Thank God the big lights off.

As I try to pretend,

But my soul is soft.

I can't hide that.

And can't hide

I'm So easy to lie to.

While I Keep rhe music low,

Don't want to upset my neighbors.

Or get too carried away

And belive you. 

Same old

 Dark and long.

Feel I was born slipping

And someone stole the

Good times,

Til I couldn't afford.

Couldn't afford to laugh again.

What a shame.

Life should be more then

Chocolate

And getting high

And getting down.

But it's what you can

Afford.

It's what you can

Manipulate.

It's the very lest you can do.

Everyones having fun,

But the grass is never green near you.

The doctor never listens.

The meds never do.

The alcohol gets easier

And tastes better.

The other is the other.

And nothing will do.

But sure,

One more will maybe do.

Better then this.

 Born slipping. 

Spare key to the house. 

Doing what you shouldn't. 

But isn't that what life is about? 

Pushing boundaries. 

Ignoring the rules. 

Doing things in your own time? 

Scars mark history 

And tattoos mark time. 

And friends come and go, 

And love doesn't always last.

But sure it's not always amazing,

But it's always better then boring, 

And You alway survived, 

You lived life, 

You experienced 

And put your hands in the air .

With many stories to tell. 

With a sound track that can put you back, 

In a moment and another time. 

A body of living history.

You can't remember why you went upstairs. 

But you can remember the endless weekends. 

The new friends. 

The sweaty handshakes and hugs. 

The feeling of coming up. 

Waiting on a taxi. 

Everyone doused in aftershave. 

Banter, 

as you listen to your mates 

New favorite mix.

Not knowing life will never be better then this 

Believe in love.

 The void wasn't sniffed away.

Another point 4 won't do. 

I can try and drink away the pain. 

Though its still be waiting in the morning. 

And so will everything you tried to forget. 

With added hangover and feeling shit. 

The places the music can't reach. 

Got me with nothing else 

But 

My soul to squeeze. 

So ths party never ends, 

As the bank account goes further in the red

And everything you love is further pushed away. 

This is fun, 

Lighting a fire and you don't run. 

Pointing at yourself with a gun. 

Cutting yourself to the bone. 

Driving drunk. 

Allowing yourself to believe in love. 

The end of the day

At the end of the day

Is now okay?

I'm trying to drown 

These demons in beer, 

But they won't stay away. 

Sleep isn't easy. 

I need more rest 

The threat of everything 

Falling apart, 

Puts a weigh on me, 

That makes it hard to get a breath. 

So self medication and over thinking. 

The dog tells me off 

And tells me bed is waiting. 

But I don't want to toss or turn. 

I just want stay awake. 

Listen to sad songs, 

And drown myself in drink. 

No use

 And there it is.

The love I give, 

Out weighs what I get back. 

I want to give everything, 

Just even for a "how are you" text. 

But I'm too fried for too long 

too many people I called friends, 

Now I don't know them at all. 

Cause I give too much, 

give everything away. 

Cause nothing with out love is any use to me.

The scars

 I'd never steal the stars from your sky.

The clouds only come when you're away. 

You have a magic, 

The sort that saves the day. 

I'm old enough to know now

That hearts aren't toys. 

And love shouldn't be a game. 

And if it is right, 

Then it can heal, 

Though the scars still look the same.

And sometimes I can't sleep. 

Over thinking about long gone things. 

Thinking about, 

Where the scars came. 

When I was too young to realize, 

That people come and go. 

But if it's ment to be, 

Then you will not let it go.

Can't

 Don't sleep, won't sleep, 

why sleep. 

By now you know your in to deep, 

no use in counting sheep. 

Not many options and choices ae limited, 

Your better days buried like treasure 

Well hid. 

So Clock watching 

And tossing and turning

Is what fills your time 

Waiting for the morning. 

Can't even relax. 

Sure such is life....

Everything for half price

 Nothing less then everything,

Got to fill this hole in the soul.

And wait, there's more.

The darkness of the void,

Two left feet, paired with two right hands.

I could be your right hand man.

I could be.

But sadly at this moment,

I'm feeling a little less then me.

And the dance floor is a memory. 

Spilled drink

 Shy and tired

The dog needs walked.

Long summer days

And the hope it's the last

Of the winters dark.

The birds get bold and loud,

Drinks better chilled.

The battlefield of a dance floor

A distant memory of late night thrills.

Cause I'm a

Last of the beer,

Gear. 

I welcome the fear. 

My nose sore. 

Cause I'm a 

Proud

 Is it okay to cry now?

Sore nose and alone now. 

The blinds are open but no one will care

Now.

One more, 

Just to ease me. 

Should take the dog to bed

So he can sleep more easy. 

But one more, 

Just to make the tears 

Worth while. 

One more just to make my dad proud. 

One more.

 When your one mores are all empty.

The bag is licked and everything is done. 

The dog is fuking raging, 

He wanted to go to bed. 

But you just wanted to feel 

Like life was worth it. 

A reason to keep keeping on 

No one answering back. 

And your nose is sore. 

Still in your mind, 

You can't help think 

One more. 

Life oh life

 They stole the laugher from our kids

The milk from their lips. 

Taxed their joy. 

Before they turned the poor on the poor, 

And got them both together to hate

Those that are even more poor. 

And taxed them some more. 

Stole people's imaginations, 

With movies filled with lies. 

TV and media saying 

You are ugly, fat and unliked.

But they always got a solution. 

And it comes with a price. 

The latest product 

That will make you 

Fit in and be someone everyone will like. 

Dreams sold at a high price. 

Happiness that is just out of reach. 

So fill the void with sugar, 

Or something else 

That makes it bearable to live. 

You look like the sparkle in your eyes have dimmed

The empty bottles

Fill the bin,

And fill me with embarrassment. 

Can't wait to bin day,

Til the bin is empty

And so is my embarrassment. 

You don't think you could be an addict. 

Then all of a sudden it's everyday. 

You can't be bothered watching TV. 

Reading books or things

That you used to love, 

For they get in the way. 

You stop looking at your bank balance. 

It just gets in the way. 

And you don't get to far 

When walking the dog, 

As you'll need something

That will numb 

What you can't fix, 

The thing that won't go away. 

The sleepless nights don't help. 

And work gets in the way. 

Sometimes things feel normal. 

And you are scared 

Because you get carried away. 

The doctors can't help you. 

Another blood test 

And that says you're okay. 

But I can't be bothered, 

And that grows in its own way. 

The little things, 

Drives and adventures. 

Nights out and new recipes. 

Movies and new books. 

Now just lines and is the shop closed, 

Cause I always need. 

Always need one more. 

Always on my mind. 

One to help me sleep, 

The other to stop the sadness in my mind. 

Spud

 I'm a fool gale,

To think love is enough.

Because the thing about

People like me,

Well we will always

Be lost.

We were lost as a child.

Lost in day dreams,

A place we didn't need to hide.

And I know I'm an embarrassment

To young Fergus.

I can never get it right.

Can't grow out of this

Mind frame,

Head space,

Can't outgrow or put to rest

The trauma and abuse

Of youth.

I always get it wrong gale,

I'm not use.

I'm only holding you back,

An embarrassment to say the lest.

I can't tame this animal,

Hunted by a dark beast.

The uppers and downers

Can numb for only so long.

But I always have to return.

And it gets no better,

Just seems worse.

The sadness of my mother's eyes

When she caught me

Stealing from her purse.

You're both better off with out me.

Then you can try and forget the worse.

Just please when you think off me,

Don't think of the worse.

Coming up

 I feel silent tears

As I'm making it to the counter

In the shop

Buying beers. 

No cheers, 

No pats on the back. 

The only way is down, 

And the possibility 

I won't be able this time

To get back up.

I'm hurting, 

And hurting more then just me. 

The dog gives me sad eyes. 

While I feel woe is me. 

My worse foe is me. 

My days tired 

from 

Over thinking.

No longer binge drinking. 

I just spread it out

Through out the week. 

It takes everything not 

To call in sick. 

Everything it takes 

Just not to give up. 

Just to get in the shower 

Just got to keep it together, 

It's near the weekend 

And payday is coming up. 

You

 I'm hurting bad.

More then I can admit. 

I can't make sense of all this. 

The sore nose, 

Ripped bags and empty bottles 

Hold no clues. 

No one cares. 

It's just you. 

It will get better

The hurts too great for the mind to take.

So excuse me while I numb myself.

Nothing really stops the hurt, 

The mind never stops, 

And the everything just gets worse. 

No holiday, no doctors letter. 

Just debt and friends telling you

It will get better. 

What else would you do?

Talking to myself,

Laying close to the wall. 

The shadows of the night 

Stroke my skin 

While a tears falls. 

Regrets often snowball. 

but I can never refuse, 

Another late night arguing with myself,

About things that I can't change, 

But what else is there to do?

Is now okay?

 Is now okay?

I'm up for a good time, 

But don't have the time or money. 

The joke isn't funny anymore. 

The nights are long when you can't sleep. 

Chest sore. 

Useless heart. 

Turn off the big light. 

The bed seems smaller than I remember, 

When someone else is there. 

And it doesn't matter

How much I toss and turn. 

The birds will soon be singing. 

Telling me I've fucked up. 

That morning is almost here, 

And it's time to get up,

For round 2.

The things you wish you could forget, 

But you'll still do. 

Heat the plate and buy a few beers. 

You don't cry, 

But you do shed a few tears. 

The saddest songs

Lined up in a row. 

Just to push the feeling, 

And let the feeling grow. 

Let the nose run, 

Forget dinner. 

No rest for the wicked, 

And nowhere to run. 

Pain in the chest.

 The party has to end.

And normal life resume. 

9 to 5 is calling, 

And Monday comes too soon. 

Your chest gives you scares, 

Your heart beats abit too hard. 

But by Wednesday 

You'll be ready to party hard. 

You never grow out of 

Drinking to excess. 

No hangover can beat the feeling 

Of dancing with your friends. 

No Monday blues 

Will ever make you quit. 

Because no matter how low you feel

You fuking love it. 

Quiting is for losers. 

The music never ends. 

And just forget the pain 

You feel in your chest

And take one of these. 

The party never starts round here

 I'm hurting and it feels no one cares.

Saying things but no one wants 

To read hear those words. 

No one wants to stop the party. 

Even if the party is just for one. 

It will be okay, 

Just get to bed before the sun. 

I'm holding my wound, 

Showing how deep it is. 

But it seems I'm alone. 

Running away from the hurt and pain.

When you honest 

Your invites to parties disappear. 

No one wants to stop dancing, 

Or face reality or truth. 

So the scars you have are too much, 

To see, 

So they don't want to look. 

A open book. 

This party isn't helping me. 

Just One more.

 The thing about one,

Is that their is always a strong need 

For one more. 

Even if you are broke 

Or working tomorrow. 

Even if your dearest loved one

Is in hospital and dying. 

Even if your so tired you can't think. 

Even when you are fuked due to the cold

And need rest and sleep. 

One more is a beast, 

That hunts the best of intentions. 

The just one and I'm going home, 

The I've got work tomorrow. 

And I've so much to do. 

But one more is a struggle, 

That often wins over you. 

Leads you astray. 

Ruins your plans 

And fuks your week ahead. 

A beast thst doesn't care. 

Keeps dial a drink busy

And dealers active, 

With texts of

Just one more. 

Something I said?

 He who loves the most, regrets the most.

As I imagine other lifetimes

when things worked out a little better,

and I wasn't so wet behind the ears.

And your tears weren't so salty,

And I said what it was 

That you needed to hear.

And it's okay if its not perfect.

Alright to sometimes 

To colour outside the lines

And it's hard not to fight it.

But life doesn't work 

If I'm scared all the time.

Which leaves me

sad that in this universe

I couldn't make it work,

And the love I had 

Turned to hurt. 

Like a rope tied to tight, 

A dim light. 

Overthinking was it something I said? 

Old songs and unlicked bags

 Put the bag away,

To lick some other day. 

The fleeting high. 

The short time I have 

That I can do and get 

The every growing list 

Ticked off 

Slowly, 

But at lest one task. 

Sleep won't come easy. 

It might not come at all. 

And work is a growing pressure. 

In mind wondering do they know? 

The ever running nose

As the twinkle in my eyes 

Dims, 

The skip in my step 

Slowly but surely 

Is no longer there. 

Weekends and paydays. 

Nothing else but hurt. 

Friends and family gone, 

So I try and make it work. 

But it isn't the same. 

No one to send these songs to. 

No one shared these memories 

But us. 

And you left me, 

With a weight off heart break and loss. 

Still look for you at Christmas, 

And other family affairs. 

We all lose someone at some point, 

But it never seems fair. 

And now I'm lost myself. 

Weekends and paydays. 

The sun doesn't shine as bright. 

The weekends don't last as long. 

And payday is over quick. 

Playing in the red. 

Just to feel alive. 

But the gas only last so long, 

Before the heating dies. 

The water runs cold. 

The view from my room

Well it's shit. 

So, I just keep looking

Towards weekends and paydays, 

With no one to share 

those memories and old songs with. 

What number are you?

 Depression strikes,

Everyone is a stranger.

What your normal?

What song makes you cry?

What keeps you going when times are tough?

What motivates you to stay alive?

What medictes you?

What numbs the pain?

Do not get pissed off by all the rain?

Does your nose not run?

How do you sleep at night?

Do you get your five a day?

Do you actually give a fuk about any celebrity?

Like who will give a fuk when you die?

What your favorite colour?

We are all just another number. 

Sunday dinner

 Vicks, sweaty hugs and firm handshakes.

Your jaw break dancing til it aches.

Hands in the air when the piano breaks.

There is no religion, race

Or the other things used to separate us

When we are on the dance floor,

Everyone yeeeoooos the same,

Everyone there to escape the Grey clouds,

The 9 to 5 and half hour lunch break.

Your soon to be favorite song plays,

As you dance with your squad,

Your chosen family.

A life time of memories,

As the next song comes in.

And you can't help share everything.

Not even thinking about

 how much gravy you'll need

To make it through Sunday lunch/dinner,

Because tonight you're onto a winner.

My only sin.

 Point 4, point at the door.

Words don't matter anymore.

They take away the things you love,

With a wicked cackle.

The things you believed

Would never leave,

The things you invested

Your life in. 

For the Memories to be burnt. 

And I'll never learn.

A beautiful face,

A drum circle.

Stolen moments.

I'll never learn.

A love stole away

And memories burnt

By witches pretending to be friends. 

I'm sorry I let them win. 

I loved you so much. 

Was my only sin. 

The weekend warriors

 The party never ends

When your pockets are

Full of fun.

Everyone glad to see you,

When you have something

That they want.

Handshakes and smiles,

Til the pockets

Are empty.

And those friendly faces

No longer look so friendly.

You outstayed your welcome.

But are always welcomed back.

But just as long as you have

What they want.

The weekend lasts forever,

And everyone's your friend.

As long as you can supply

All the things,

Then you're always welcome

Doors always open.

That is if you can't meet the need

If not then 

 Please don't call.

Singing to Noone

 Nightshift, or so it feels

During the dark days.

The devil dust keeps me awake.

The heart broke so many times,

The lines help me forget.

I sniff til my nose is sore.

Message everyone and more.

But no one answers back,

I'm alone, and not for the first time.

I don't look at myself in the mirror,

Not that I hate my face.

Just I don't want to see

Why no one calls me a friend, 

Is it cause I'm ugly? 

But sure it's far from the end.

No fat ladies singing,

Na I'm the only one with a song.

And I'll keep singing to no one.

The dog wants to go to bed

 The dog wants to go to bed.

I'm too lost in my head. 

Shadow boxing my old fights. 

Blind to my own downward spiral

That lead me here tonight, 

My hurt leading the way. 

I invited it to stay. 

We don't talk. 

Awkward, 

Looking at my phone or the wall. 

Too hurt to forgive, 

Too lost in the dark. 

Not too many chances, 

Drowning in my own sadness. 

Scared of things I can't see. 

Picking a scab that won't heal. 

Sleeping late, 

Finding it hard to have a reason to get up.

I'm my own worse enemy 

But I don't give up. 

There is more to life, 

Got to be. 

Soothe someone 

And use my hurt as their therapy. 

Another drink isn't the remedy. 

Face not recognized

 Dreaming's cheating,

What are you at this weekend?

Self harm and over thinking.

Deappreciation.

But if I'm lucky some self medication.

Wondering if it's a cry for help?

Or am I just missing

A different world.

Longing to log out.

No ads for things I think about.

No friends requests

From spamming djs

Latest mix I never listen to anyway.

The quiet one from school,

Your sure would be a

Murderer one day.

Ads for things we don't need.

Posts from people

Who we never before seen.

The next viral vid, joke

Meme or something.

While we sit alone watching

Dreaming's cheating

Fluoxetine, 

Numbs you til everything is fine.  

No downs yet no Ups, 

No escape, 

No one to wake up beside in the morning 

And no help to or reason to sleep.  

Dreaming's cheating. 

What are you doing this weekend?

Self harm and over thinking! 

And I ask 

How do you know if it's a cry for help?  

And who will hear when your  

Arej ust by yourself?  

So I close the window it's cold. 

Another beer to soothe the soul. 

Lick the bag and try to keep some control.

For hell is a damaged person

Who has lost control. 

Eternal fire in a addicts eyes.

As they no longer get high, 

Just get further away from themselves. 

And closer to hell.

It's easy to laugh til the moment

You also fall. 

Only love

 I can do you what you need.

Can you tell me why it hurts to breath?

Why I'm lost in my own company?

How I lost touch with my own family?

How the things I enjoyed 

Don't really matter to me?

Why the harder I try the deeper the rut?

Why the sniff is my only love? 

Hole

 Hole in the soul

Against the tide

9 to 5 blues

Dead mans shoes

But that's alright

Because we can't sleep at night.

Up all night we got demons to fight.

The call of the void keeps us awake.

The bitter taste of a wanted loves 

Like bitter lemonade.

The sun cracks a new day.

Make the most of every moment

They grow to quick,

Last call at the hug and pint

As my nose drips.

Excitement as the taxi is pretty quick. 

Try to get the back seat,

As talking I don't want to be the one

Asking the driver are they busy

Or long into his shift. 

Finally get where we plan to b, 

The party is in full swing.

Grabbed by the hand

And jump in with both feet. ,

Its okay, I have a warm embrace. 

So we spend the nite 

Talking shite,

As we knew would be part of the plan

Then on to puttinf the world to right

Taking up resident in the kitchen,

Which was

Amazing to say the lest

Til the sun comes up

To remind us we have to leave.

The random

 There's a point 4,

That keeps on calling me. 

Could sniff a gram 

Pretty easily. 

Every party I make, 

Everyones my best friend. 

All great to the drugs wear off again. 

Maybe in a hour I'll settle down. 

Another taxi and I'm gone again. 

The random at the party I'll always be. 

Everyones my friend 

Telling me, 

Your the best craic, 

My new best friend. 

Then my phone bleeps 

And I'm gone again. 

Maybe in a hour I'll settle down. 

Always the random, 

But when you got the bag 

The party never ends. 

One for luck.

 Something to take the edge of reality.

Downers to then help me sleep.

But over did the downers,

To the point I'm Jeff Buckley sad

With no one for to sing. 

One eye closed to focus,

Firing off messages

To whom it may concern.

Just to wake up, 

Knowing I'll never learn.

So one more for sadness,

One more for the boy

with a thorn in his side,

One more isn't a challenge,

Two more for luck.

One eyes closes to focus,

As another message I type.

What's the weather like?

Algorithm of the soul.

Scared to asked in case they say no. 

The pain of the mind 

That thinks it knows

And over thinks

Til it's destroyed everything good. 

While the rainy days seem endless. 

The clouds take over the sky. 

Bully the sun into submission. 

And the rain means 

Nothings dry. 

And will in the  soak you through. 

And rot sets in and grows 

Taking hold til you can't think what to do 

You focus on the bad, 

When there is actually so much good. 

And the pain could go away, 

Your nose could heal to. 

It's up to you start, 

Though hard when you are soaked through. 

Wine

 A pint of wine by my bed

To help me sleep. 

I bit even going to bother brushing my teeth 

Thinking of texting girls 

I haven't spoke 

To and should leave be. 

Oh woe is me, 

But then again I've got alot. 

So maybe I should just wise up. 

Half a bottle down and I've bearly ate. 

Everyday I just want to numb and forget. 

Ghost

 I see old ghosts at the bottom of the bed

Trying to melt your head. 

They dance and shake the bed. 

And disagree. 

Make you think of things 

You should let be. 

Try to keep you awake, 

Won't let you sleep. 

You feel their boney fingers 

As they talk aloud. 

Trying to drown you in doubt. 

Whispering secrets, 

You can't quite hear. 

And wanting you to hold on

To things that you used to

Cut yourself with.

Things that hold you back. 

Those old ghosts 

Are the worse craic. 

Nothing

 I respect you and your madness,

As I sniff another line of sadness. 

I'm past licking the bag. 

Could do with a cigarette 

Or something to make me feel alive. 

Someone who could make it all 

Make sense. 

Late night texts and bags. 

The endless endless of nothing. 

Maybe dream

 And you're tryna get atmosphere

Like she was here, but she's long gone

Like Rocky Balboa and Adrian

Tears drop while vou sip on your medicine. 

You'll sleep tonight son. 

No dreams, 

While you grind your teeth. 

Need to make peace. 

But the scar won't heal. 

And how do those memories feel? 

Odd one out, 

Alone, 

Feeling like your talking another language 

That noone knows. 

Scared to blow your nose. 

Those old ghosts

Still hunt ya. 

Mother who couldn't love herself, 

So how could she love you? 

A need to need someone, 

Who needs you. 

But love doesn't work 

It takes two. 

Hold on, 

To avoid drowning. 

Nothing else 

So hold it tight. 

It keeps you afloat. 

The thought that someone 

Could or might, 

Think your alright. 

That keeps your head 

Above water, 

A reason to keep up the fight. 

And maybe you might dream tonight.

The right path.

 I honestly don't know how this came to be. Or what it was lead to this moment. But I need to get help. I just don't know how. 

The nigh

 The night never starts 

when you're alone and know noone. 

 One more for the road 

Before I face the cold. 

 And every noise is too much, 

as every face reminds me of her, 

Asked do have any spare change? 

Do I pull rose petals from my pocket 

I was keeping for her 

to give to the homeless but they don't care.

Another day

 Point 4,

Verses my overdraft 

Credit card and more. 

The dogs fed and walked, 

Enough tea bags 

For me to ignore. 

My nose sore. 

My sleep isn't what it was. 

And my personality isn't what it 

Used to be. 

I can't find peace. 

Can't focus and watch TV. 

Can't be bothered, 

Can't find the joy in the simple things. 

So another point 4 

Just another day. 

The months blur 

And it seems just another day. 

Can't trust a broken heart.

 Farewell to goodbyes, not a dry eye, 

and not to mention, 

but I needed to console the soul.  

So I let you in, and the world changed. 

It was mine for a moment, 

though that moment is never enough. 

So im waking on someone else's floor 

Waking in someone else's bed. 

wishing for more then lust. 

But what happens 

When your own heart

you can't trust?

1998

 Choose life,

Messing around in school,

Big tvs,

and stereos to.

Minimum wage

Large meals at McDonald's.

Chicken burgers.

Who's round is it?

Someone phone to see

How long the taxi will be?

Friends, girls, music and

A injoke or two.

Playstation fifa.

Finger guns pointing at each other

Across many a dance floor

Not knowing how life was so short.

The party doesn't last forever. 

And egos are careless, 

While friendships are fragile. 

Chinese whispers, 

And he said, she said, they said

Nobody is right in the end. 

A life less ordinary,

Lived via weekends and paydays.

Put your money away 

I got paid, 

It's not alot but we should be okay. 

Trance and romance

 Trance and romance,

My sweetheart the drunk.

My memories my torture.

A pint of gin to try and numb,

I forgot myself and smiled.

The sky wasn't so grey.

And you only die once,

But you live everyday

The road to one more

 Should I have one more

For the road for the craic?

Or would one more be taking the piss?

Sure I've ripped the arse out of it,

May as well.

I thought it burn,

But it's cold in hell.

I shiver, the whole night through,

My feet hurt from the cold too.

The only part thst burns in hell

Is the memories,

To move on you need forget

Everything.

The heart break,

The laughs,

The hugs and so on.

But thst is all I have

So I hold on.

I can't let go to the small things

The smile on my face,

Those memories bring.

Those treasured memories,

Are my everything.

Miss you

 Should I have one more

For the road for the craic?

Or would one more be taking the piss?

Sure I've ripped the arse out of it,

May as well.

I thought it burn,

But it's cold in hell.

I shiver, the whole night through,

My feet hurt from the cold too.

The only part thst burns in hell

Is the memories,

To move on you need forget

Everything.

The heart break,

The laughs,

The hugs and so on.

But thst is all I have

So I hold on.

I can't let go to the small things

The smile on my face,

Those memories bring.

Those treasured memories,

Are my everything.

Too young to know

 I was too raw,

Scared and hurt,

Had to be better,

Faster, sharper,

Second place was never enough.

I had to hurt and draw blood.

I had to bite so hard you couldn't forget.

Just so I could feel I was good enough

That I was enough,

That was a laugh.

That I could be part of the gang.

Til the gang no longer exists.

And you grow up and realize the hurt

You cause with your sharp wit.

Always pushed it too far,

And now no one is laughing anymore.

Wild weather isn't it?

 I'll smile if you do first.

It's all well rehearsed.

Everything hurts.

Everyones gone.

Tell Eddie to call me

If somethings on.

But haven't you got my number?

I fumble, and seem not to matter.

Sure could be worse.

Could be 3 point 4s

And no laughs or applause.

On a school night, 

a Tuesday night, 

Giving up the fight. 

Sure everyone else went first. 

I wasn't supposed to outlive you all. 

So what's the point when no one calls.

The point 4s hurt my nose. 

And when I sniff I feel so cold. 

One more

 My weekends turned into wipe outs,

Texting strangers for powdered pain killer. 

No breakfast, getting up after 3,

If I didn't have the dog

Then I would just sleep. 

My nose burns, 

My head hurts. 

Nothing interests me, 

But the crash and burn. 

3 beers and a point 4.

Just to want more. 

Standing in the living room 

With no top on shadow boxing, 

But my trouble mind isn't winning. 

My runny nose isn't stopping, 

I should drink some water 

But there is always room for one more. 

It's okay, honest.

 We're not dead yet,

Maybe just over did the good times

Til the music don't quite hit

The same.

The late nights and

Getting yer five a day,

3 for 90 sounds better to me.

Definitely dehydrated,

I over did the good times,

Til I can't sleep at night.

Nose is greedy,

I'm too needy,

Lest I never sold out. 

You can lick the bag,

As long as I can lick the card.

Life is hard.

But I couldn't be.

I'll give away my love to everybody.

Love is all you need

 Less then a point 4,

My head fried, 

Life is a hell of a ride. 

Alcohol not enough 

Add cocaine and I still can't numb. 

Forgot how to have fun. 

Hard to talk when you are alone. 

The dog only understands so much. 

The empty bottles and negative debt

In my bank account. 

With a promise I'll sort it next month. 

Believing all I need 

Is to find love. 

No one cares

 How do you know if it's a cry for help.

You're up at half five,

When I haven't slept.

I had so much love,

I give it away to anyone.

Now no one cares that's gone.

I can't sleep.

The doctors don't care.

I sniffed so much my nose bleeds.

But nobody cares.

I'd sing a song,

But would you sing along?

I don't really feel

Like the meds are working.

You are right.

 Diving into the red,

A credit card that I can't pay.

Words I'm scared to say. 

I was too cruel for people to forget. 

I'm sorry I hurt you 

To the point you can't forgive. 

I destroyed everything, 

Made the good bad. 

An embarrassment.

Alone with my nose burning. 

Throwing money away. 

I can't face another day. 

I can't see another way. 

I owe more then I've got. 

And I've hurt too much. 

The phone never rings, 

But the birds have started singing again. 

I want to see you smile again. 

But I know that's not in a world I'm in. 

And the booze doesn't help. 

The endless endless

The vicious circle. 

The other thinking how 

I could of made it right. 

But I lost and letting go means 

You were right. 

Sad for the meantime.

 Mad for sadness,

No one wants to see you win anyway. 

You hide the hurt, 

But it doesn't stop the pain. 

The antidepressants stop the tears. 

But if the wound doesn't bleed

It doesn't heal. 

Feeling like nothings real. 

Sure I'll text you later. 

Living life via others 

Facebook and insta. 

Spending money I don't have 

On things I don't need. 

But just two weeks, 

Til payday and I can start again. 

Empty dance floor on the biggest night of your life.

 Lost in the moment,

Not scared, so the first to dance. 

You can't tell the future

By over thinking your past.

Chaos, madness and simple me.

You need to be tough,

But not too scared to be soft enough,

To let down your shield,

Take off your armor. 

Dancing in a field.

Handshakes, pats on the back, 

 hugs and smiles and future memories,

All as far as the eye can see.

So come on, 

Shake off the stress and dance with me.

Mistake

 The highs the lows,

My runny nose, 

And the need to need someone 

Who needs me. 

The empty cider cans

By my bed on the night stand. 

2am, I'm a clown

And I won't sleep well

If at all, 

Tonight just another mistake

That I shouldn't of made, 

But then how I can I resist 

The clown in me. 

No dinner, 

Just lines, 

The runny nose of a clown. 

Tomorrow I'll feel down, 

But then I won't learn from this mistake. 

Sense

 I'm sorry.

I am pure chaos.

I part know how I became this. 

But not what came with it. 

The dislike and hate. 

The anger. 

I don't know why it follows me. 

I can't understand it. 

It makes no sense. 

Out too late

 Bags and beers,

We're self medicating over here. 

Over did the late nights, 

Waiting for the off lience to open. 

Fake smiles, 

Stereo nazi, 

Play my mix. 

Infact na forget it. 

We don't care for Monday, 

We hate the 9 to 5.

We take anything just to feel alive. 

But the late night burn us out. 

And there is only so much we can take. 

I should of got a taxi a long time ago. 

But I can't help the urge to stay

Out too late. 

Play my choon next.

 The meds are near out,

Fegs down to who is an actual smoker

And can prove it,

Beers maybe enough to dial a drink come out.

Dead bodies,

And a table littered to the point

Of you should get a taxi and get out.

But you never let the finer details get in the way.

You are here to prove a point

And won't let anyone get in the way.

It's nit me it's you

 Rack another line

We still have time.

As time itself doesn't exist.

It's just made up.

A trap.

Like the paper and coins,

The one way street.

The poor siding with the billionaire,

In hope their lottery ticket that them there.

But it won't.

And Monday will still be the same.

Hating each other,

Cause the rich man says.

But what about the immigrants?

The Indian grooming gangs?

Well what about is it 80%

Of pedos is the white man?

But what about housing for the veterans?

There aren't many veterans left.

But still sure what about our own?

It's funny how our own mean anything,

After all these years.

Cut backs and attack.

Have you watched the news?

Most politicians come from a financially stable background.

Not caring the price of milk.

Whole 80% of homeless are from care homes.

No one to help when it gets too much.

I over spent at Christmas but can get a lend off my mum.

One missed payment,

4 days off, 

statuary sick pay doesn't cover what's owed.

Heat or eat when it's cold?

Counting pennies,

Embarrassed,

But you need to cover what you owe.

Your local pm doesn't speak your language.

Doesn't know how bad the damp is hard to manage.

Doesn't know how you survive by working two jobs,

Doesnt know how

Enough so tired,

You can't sleep.

Your brain wide awake.

And we all wish for a happy ending.

But maybe we need to stop pretending.

We are all one line away from no hope.

Crappo the clown.

 Cider and sleeping pills.

Just incase I can sleep tonight. 

It's been a fight. 

No tunnel with a light. 

No end to the sad, bad and shit times.

Lost souls, 

Take my hand, 

I can save you from the current. 

But I'm not strong enough. 

Our fingers can't hold on, 

As i lose everything I love. 

My memories. 

My close that died with out a goodbye.

As I chased my high.

Messages wrote with one eye. 

Words are no use. 

No excuse. 

I'm just trying. 

But is there any use? 

The only thing that will make me feel like I would be good to be able to sleep as well

 Numbing the pain

Drugs, alcohol and mostly cocaine. 

Dealers know me by name. 

Big dog you're the best customer 

Your craic is mighty. 

But truth is inside I'm dying. 

The cocaine use to be for hiding. 

But the mask falls, 

One line and a tear falls. 

Staring at empty rooms and pictureless walls

Hunting my own house. 

Hunted by old ghosts. 

The toss and turn as the drink wears off. 

The bed is not comfortable. 

Blood stains and tear drops on the pillow. 

The doctor can't prescribe an antidote. 

I'm lost, but not quite given up. 

But how long can cocaine keep you up? 

Sunday funday

 Born slipping.

Wasn't long before I was introduced

To the dark and long, 

Unfortunately weekends don't seem 

To last too long. 

Sunday, 

The smell of regret. 

Booze, feg smoke, 

Rave and sweat.

20 missed calls, 

11 texts. 

You're ma is raging, 

Your Sunday dinner's getting cold

And the gravy's been thrown out, 

As a sign of the parental upset.

Pale faced, 

Mouth dry. 

Unsure if to give in and admit all. 

Or give the dinner a try. 

Manage your account.

 Save my number,

Save my number.

Mate I can't even save myself.

The antidepressants

don't seem to be helping my mental health.

I can't even speak up for myself.

The doctor says a walk and fresh air

But I think there is more then that.

As I lay unable to sleep or get any rest.

My minds a mess.

My everything is stress.

The pills prescribed don't touch the sides.

I know there is so much more

Then feeling less.

Then the tight feeling in my chest.

Happy days can't be far away.

Because I need to rest.

Late nights steal my best.

And I can't fight the feeling of doom.

Trying to get out of bed,

But there is no reason to.

You made your bed,

Now you lay in it.

Sure it's near 3 you'll get up soon.