What a Life, What a DICK. FOR fuck SAKE..

So well, i went for a date. i didnt know if i liked the girls face (we had met via a daten website, i thought i would give it a try as other means didnt seem to be of much use)and was abit scared of what may be. when we met i thought gosh she doesnt seem so bad atall. so we dander around or well back and forth lookin for somewere to eat(as she wished for wine while we dined) so finly got soemthing, she didnt eat much, bearly anything....

So we went to lavarys for a quiet drink, or well we went for a drink in the v bar first and it wasnt so quiet.. it was £9.15 for a round in the v bar too were in lavarys it was £6.95 which is some saven and i will rember this in future plus the fact you can get a carry out before leaven.

So while in lavarys we chatted away but i think the more we drank the weirder it got, she went to the toilet and i got a text askin me did i like her from her, she came back and didnt speak of the text. but so i thought i will make this my last one im pretty wrecked after a godo few drinks, and she said i'll get another round to which i told her of my plan of just finishin the drinks we had. after this she looked very down. i hate to see a women with such a sad face, so said sure what about another drink and she was liek no its ok just call me my taxie, and i said but look you look so down down, i hate to see you look so down and she was all are you going to see me again and im all yea sure we could do soemthing next week. but so we were leaven and she goes do you want to come back to mine for a drink(its in isl of megee or somewere far far away)so i go aye(why o why? )so we wait for the taxie and she seems really drunk and im thinkin god. so we jump into the taxie and she is all you must know somewere we could get a drink your a taxie man you know dogy places, so he laughts and takes us back to lavarys which has a offy inside. so i get the drink get back in the taxie and we head off. she whispers to me " he is rippin us off!" i look allwhat the fuck??! what is she talkin about, at this point i see she is realy drunk and talkin crazy. so aye the trip there was a melt we get in to the house its freezen..

So to cut a long story short we did do it, and even after it she was rubbin on me and wantin me to go for it again which tbh i wasnt into i just wanted to sleep or to run. tho the funny thing is i was awoke by my phone and it was another girl i had slept with durin the summer or well the endo f the summer, i think she must of been callin for a booty call(i mean you dont phone at 2 in the morrin to see how someone is;-)but yea so to cut a long story short the girl has texted and called me today its really kinda freakin me out and i dont wish to break her heart but i guess there is no way out, i think the line of comin on to strong will be used but fuck me i hate it as its normal me who is gettin dumped so doin the dumpin is hard as i know full well it isnt me its you.

So to end this tail of woe a quote from a poem i have wrote has gone through my head non stop it goes "im breaken hearts at the weekends not caren if they mend" what a life what a dick for fuck sake.

scarey biskets..

i wish i could, the life we knew,
things arnt the same but arnt diffrent,
the mmeories faden fast like pictures left in the sunlight to long.
im holdin on till its gone.
but all i have learnt is how to hurt someone who means the world to ya.
so im tryin to put together the puzzle only to find the bits i need most are missin.
and i know its just a case of i slept in.
one time to many your on my mind.
so lady set me free just for tonight?
let me loose and let me wonder no more.
i dont wish to go over what could happenin,
lets just let it happen.
or not. or maybe.
see this is what you do to me..
forever on my mind it plays tricks on me..
i mean really you and me?
na it could never be,
so i wonder the streets alone thinkin how i can never return home,
i no longer have a home,
im realy lost this time around.

I am my mother only child. And tbh we dont get on, well i just dont like her.

you could be my broken bow with no arrow, you could pretend your my friend and clam you'll keep me on the stright and narrow, you could be the wise up and i could be a young pup but tonight your not anywere near what i need and i need so bad it seems.
you could be my rusty knife and fork and we could play kill each other in the dark, i could pretend for a minute i ddint feel paranoid and that i could some how fill this empty void, tho in my heart i know there is no point.

you could be the thrust you could be the end, you could be the thing which helps me, you could be the thing which pushes me over the edge, and i dont wish to offend but it seems i never known friends and now i need forgiven just for liven this isnt liven this isnt life.

you could be my angry wife and i could fuck you over till you leave me then its over and i could pretend i'll change but in our hearts we know its always the same, its a game of blame, blame and blame. so who is to blame? tonight my dear im all cryed out so its your turn i think to cry these tears, i cant undo these years, but im tryin hard, so tired. its a bug going round, im feelin down.

you cant teach a old dog new tricks but you can love me if you heart is big enought to receive.

i kissed you in my dreams sadly its the only place we still meet.

and i cant get there till i can put my mind at ease.

4 for a 10er and sometimes it feels its all got to much.

i tounched you in my dreams, its took so long to get asleep.

but when i finly got there it was you who woke me up.

i guess you still can be crual cant you luv.

so now im awake once again nothing to count barr the hours.

i want to sleep tho but tbh you already stole my dreams.

im meetin loose women at the weekend

im breaken hearts not caren if they mend.

but lately all i do is wish that i can sleep so i can once again kiss your lips.

i still have your picture. i still rember the feel of your hair.

but i cant sleep, and im soo alone when im there.

the bed is my prison of sleepless nights

wishin i was holdin so tight, wishin things had of gone right. but i cant sleep tonight.

so im tryin to put old ghost to rest but its old ghost that keep me company

its old ghost to cut,

its old ghost who care.

its old ghost to talk to, you arnt here.

so sleepless nights were it ends is anyones guess

a heart beat fills the room were the sleepless rest.

you saved the best for last, and my weakness your on my mind.

unfinished its wrong i hold on you let go, i want more you say no.

but tonights just like every other night

i wont find happyness at a bottem of a glass as much as i try.

im gribin tighter your lettin go, i want more you say no.

you walk by i stop. this isnt liven this is to much.

im thinkin week days your thinkin weekends.

how can i be when you wont let me in.

closed doors hurt, weakness i cant forgive myself.

i've tryed but i cant scratch this itch.

and im lost on your lips and now want nothing more to do with this.

but its got a hold and im weak from to long in this rut im stuck in.

take this note its my last hope that i can win.

Dont say it if you dont mean it!

Tear stained window stills, im sittin waitin,

my everything torn apart, never had a friend so were is it im suposed to start?

im all heart aka Eddie love me love me j Carter,

im here just waitin.

im not given you second chances,

but i'll give it another go you jsut have to give it the say so.

but im to old to be so bold, im to old to feel so young.

you caught me off gard, you caught me given you a second glance.

but i know second chances are out of the question just like girls i fuck with out protection.

so im pacen the room like animals caught in cages, these rooms see my hiden ragens.

i pretend i dont care what anyone says but inside you got me.

i cant stop it, you caught me looking again.

THE DAM!!

Well, its took me 28 years but atlast i made it to the dam! amsterdam!! the big smoke! well after what happend in new york i thought to myself gosh what sort of trouble could i get myself into, infact i think the fear of it was maken my eyelid flicker. the sad truth.............


NOTHING, thats right, i smoked two joints in in three nights. all in all im pretty unimpressed by my stay, i think the place has great protental, but its findin the right person to go with to unlock the protental. so better luck next time.

but tho at the same time, i went to the zoo in amsterdam and its left me abit sad i was lookin a monkey right in the eye and for a moment i felt empthy(lol i know i know i do talk some shit!)with it, for a moment i seen i also at times feel like a caged animal(maybe i just went abit stir crazy while there and wished to let loose and go on the town and get crazy to feel i was beonyed the cage(lol god i have such a way with words))with people stairn from the outside(ok i will stop while im ahead), but it was sad to see these beautiful animals caged like that. there was a wee angry monkey who kicked the window which was funny, he had a fight with another monkey.