a heart is a useless curse.

i give up my eyes for a blind man to see, and now i cant shake the feelings of dread while i'm laying in my bed,

and Sunday morning is every other day it seems, i'm a drag queen with out the make up and last night i would forget if i could remember enough to forget, but the buzz in the back of my head is the sort that will keep you awake and the sleeping tablets don't dull the ach. and tonight i'm just chancing, i'm dancing if your asking

Past my bed time.

i feel tired, but i dont want to sleep. tonight is tomorrows ghost, and the hurt and heart break are in the post.

A Self medicated life

Life is a strange wonder. I have started 2015 with a positive mind set, and it has started greatly. Though the fear and negative side kicks in and spread like cancer. I acted in like my old self from a long time ago before i lost hope, back when i self medicated with drink, drugs but most of all the thought that love could save me. Sadly one step a head, or even ten steps! head first, into the darkness, the unknown. But weirdly it is the first time in such a long time i have felt in this manner, and as wrong as it is................ IT felt alright. But now to prepare for the funk fall out, be one step a head of the crowd and beat the down by knowing what is coming as it always has come!

the heart ack of self dout.

Sleight of heart, with no trick up my sleeve, the positive thought killed by the negative need. The need to need someone who needs me, with no turning back as I walk into the sea. The moon calls and the clouds part. Call me circus of fools for sharing my heart. And the thing about a broken heart is, sooner or later the pieces are so small it doesn't matter when ever you give, them up, as they can never be fixed, like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.