Same Old New..

Im tryin to make sense of life tho I feel i have fell by the wayside tryin to be something im not, its me now the head of the pack and on the hunt...

Strange for I used to be the hunted and now the competition grows ever more to the point I cant even try to ignore the feeling that is growing like a child taken its first steps only to fall and then there is the tears, but I am all cryed out from to many years. Tho not cold just havent got the tears, havent got the energy, havent got enought hours in the day, havent got the time nor piece of mind....

Etc, etc...............

Rabbit in Your Headlights!!!

My new boss is gay and while on my break he came in and said that he was cold, I asked was he tired as when you are tired you feel cold and feel sore as I have felt many times. He replyed "yea I didnt sleep well last night, I woke to find my boyfriend doin something disgusting!"

Now stright away I thought wankin!! but at the same time I was pretty taken back, my eyes growin big like a rabbit caught in the head lights. My mind went funny and I quickly said yea probly cause you are tired I get that, as to quickly change the subject...

Tho all this has left me worried I am a homaphobe, tho I feel I was shocked, but then I wonder if it had been a fella talkin about a girl who I have been all "OOhhh what was she doing?!?!?!" I dont know, i just hope it wont affect working relationships......

Weltschmerz

It is bad when the highlight of your day is a squwashed ham samwhich......


Sadly the job I started isnt the job I thought it would be......

Tho its only the first few days I dont think its going to change and this has left me feeling down as I am workin a 30 hour week and losen 10 hours pay also incuren the travel costs of £165 a month.....

I am not happy...

opps i did it again.

Weird, it hits like a punch and settles,
I cant tell the truth because I am scared of what it will do!
And I am sorry for its someone else That I am kissin,
When I am kissin you.
I'am trying hard not to let go,
But holdin on so tight only hurts much more.

like a stone I'am sadly sinkin,
to the bottem of the seabed with nothing but a,
less thought more distraction, all heart but never giveing.
This is a after thought of the bearly liveing
no title needed no heart strings to pull,
its all you, tho you/her or it couldnt save me now,
all gone not even a smille.

You know..

I wish I could recall the tails I had about Canada but I cant really recall them now. What a shame.

So now I am tryin to sort out a job again, with little in the way of words on paper it seems tough, plus not knowin how to drive I think doesnt help. Also the whole poetry thing seems a thing of the past I havent wrote or thought of much in so long it does my head in as it seems like such a waste, maybe I just havent got low enought? Maybe there is futher to go??

I have been quiet watchin the world and it realy doesnt love me no longer which is hard on my ego.

The highs and lows of someone you know.
Up and its full throttle and off we go.
When im low and pretendin to be dead
eyes cant open long enough and temper leads my head,
you wish I was someone else insted.
I would love to run away just to let you be
but everywere is so uninviten,
and I would talk if I wasnt so unexciten.
Just keepin my head above water long enought
for you to witness my final breath
till i cant sleep at night for fear my love wont love my back
and the night time black is all thats left.