Tornoto and no were to go!

So I have moved to Tronoto, and it is hard going. I am mostly alone and havent really made any friends sadly.

also add to this last night i went to a bar in hope of making friends and got talkin to some dude who was weird, i was worried he might be tryin to chat me up. we talked about strippers and he said they are all just in it for the money now. anyway he offerd to buy me a drink i was all na as i wasnt sure if this dude was on the touch or just bein friendly and i didnt wish to find out the hard way exsue the pun. but so he went on so i went yea ok. and so we chatted more then he went to the toilet and never returned so i drank his drink.

afterwards i returned to the hostel and went on facebook and talked about the evenin and how i felt sayin how i foudn it hard here but didnt wish to return to belfast as there was nothing there for me!! but i had forgot my girlfriend rosie!!

i got a message on facebook today from her sayin how upset she is and how she thought i was making a dick out of her. i tryed textin then callin but her phone is now off.

this has left me feeling really down and i am findin it hard to keep it together as rosie has been my crutch and my rock and has more or less nursed me back to the person i once was if a little less!

so i am at a loss of what to do as she is to far away to get to...................

ffs women...........................

Eye of the Tiger......

My wondering eye, tho i know the trouble i cant help but look past and to your side.
My stare bares to cut your better day.
Stealin the sun and throwin caution away.

Nightmare.

So I am hittin a week of no wankin over porn, and today is the worse day. Porn is all I can think of and how great it would be to see those naked bodies....

It will for sure be worth it, wont it?

My problem is that i have lived a blog insted of a life...

Well it is joy i have found my self in a relsonship, which means the findin of a girlfriend isnt a stress i bear thank goodness! Someone holdin you is probly one of the greastest things ever. So we enjoy long walks and cooking, she does the dishies i crack the jokes its a match made in heaven. Tho as everything we started haven sex and the first night was grand barr it taken ages for me to cum. The second night i couldnt atall and lost my erection a few times leadin to such worry you would not believe.

See on my mind is why is this happenin? Is this due to just stress? Is it me? My age? Her?

Realy it was just non stop worry, but i also linked it to the fact i have been wankin non stop over internet porn for some time! And thought to myself what if i am so used to the exstreams of internet sex normal sex wouldnt do it for me atall?

So I am on day three of no internet porn, its going well..........................

MMMMbop.

I was thinkin of taken up smoken the dopez again so i can see the inside of my mind, to find out whats realy going on inside, but im scared of what i might find, if it would be to much and send me over the edge and out to lunch. and that is just a start see i rember panic attacks and broken hearts. the black grows with every tired day, im tryin hard but my enimies wont go away. so does god hear when i pray. i ask for forgiveness but noone answers me. lost and alone, wishin i was home while home so it makes me think were is my home as this doesnt feel right.

And as you can see i defo need soemthing to chill me out

Its horrible being sick all the time

So its creepin back in.
The darkness i have feared for so long has returned.
The dark of your eyes as i try to find the white. Wake Up.
Its been dark for to long and now i cant help but sleep throught the light.
Im fucked cause this cant be life. My best days are well behind.
The day to day leaves me less with noone to hear my cry.
Would you could you be my trusty tissue tonight.
No,
as ever i have to face this endless night the torture to be myself by myself
such a fight but could i be free by midnight to dream away the days.
So dont wake me please, let me lay, and if i wake let me lie.
For if you knew would you let it go,
and if you could would you catch those tears or let them fall.
Steal my skys and and give me your beautiful lies,
in bows and and out with the tide.
Did I tell you how much i dont want you but need you by my side to face daylight.

Who Are you Tonight? Hopelessly Devoted

I've been silly, i've been thinkin about you again,

thinkin what it would be like to burn that old flame.

your names on my tounge, shame what have i done,

everything, still its not enought.

so as always time taken to much of too little.

its always the same,

fuck me will this ever end?

so im tryin to sleep, but your keepin me awake.

from a distance i can feel, like i used to.

but feelins are still a little numb,

and im wondern if you could help.

a text there or maybe a email.

or i could even call to your home.

but that wouldnt be on after so long

the feelins you had are long gone.

its just im holdin on as ever

fightin the good fight in my head all day long

but its not in my favour and in the end noones won.