Alcohol and drugs

Want me to save the world 

I don't understand.

How can you expect this of one man?

Holding on to everything with sore hands.

I wish I could be a kid again 

And forget the things 

That left me scarred and sad.

The fear of growing up with out a dad.

The conflict of a mother's jealousy.

The suffocating shyness.

The feeling of being wrong.

Just for the things you love

To be taken away

And the things you shared,

Now you hold on to them alone.

The loneliness grows as you get old.

Your world gets smaller.

Less handshakes and hugs.

Less understanding,

And more alcohol and drugs. 

The time you lost

Yolo,

But it still hurts, 

Try to unwind, 

But that isn't how my mind works. 

No chill, 

I find hard to sleep. 

Friday I could do with a early night. 

But I can't help following

The self destructive needs. 

The hours past quick, 

And the high never lasts.

And I lie when anyone asks,

"how are you?"

For what would being honest do?

What do I have to prove?

The trick is not to get obsessed

With all the times you lose. 

The mind

 I couldn't even trust myself. "what

do you mean?" 

she asks.

Ther is so many answers,

and yet none I can explain to her. 

See the worse thing about genius, 

Is we tend to want to destroy

ourselves, self destruction is a release from our minds. 

<

.

You

The weight of the attention you seek.

The quiet before you lose control. 

Light headed off the high, 

The worse you get.

The more you drink. 

Any nobody is safe. 

In a bad place, 

But it's all you know. 

You had to let the cuts bleed,

Or they will never heal.

And the drink and drugs

Won't stop the hurt.

You just share it

And make others feel your pain.

Though they don't know.

And it gets lonely,

And the nights are long.

Talking to myself,

Wishing I could sleep

Before the sun shines. 

The weight of the unspoken

The places I've been,

The things I've seen. 

That wasn't my hurt, 

But I felt the sting. 

Carried that fear, 

Turned it into anxiety 

That wasn't my own. 

Wasn't safe even in 

What I called home. 

We fuked up, 

Scared to talk. 

Which made the scars

Dark and long. 

And things that 

You shouldn't carry alone. 

You can't dance it off, 

Or drink the pain away. 

Smacking out is sweet 

But you got to face it 

On Sunday. 

The burden grows heavy. 

The weight hurts those 

That love you. 

Because if you can't say what's wrong,

Then no one can help. 

The feelings never leave, 

And the words are so heavy. 

Your mouth drys as you try 

But play it off again. 

Be me

 Urban decay

Half truths

And pills to numb us, 

But never takes the pain away. 

I've over thought it, 

That takes the fun away. 

And when it's night time

I won't be able to sleep anyway. 

Uppers and downers, 

Just want to feel alive for a while,

Not even a day.

Just feel more

Then a need to need

Someone who needs me.

Someone who will stay.

Someone I don't need to impress

And I can be me.

Hello, didn't see you

 Clean my own cooker,

Wash my own briefs.

Yet and still

I lack confidence

And

Although I've practiced

A 100 things to say,

All I got is hello

And eyes that don't see.

A heart scared off rejection,

And a mind over thinking

The worse that could be.

Even though I hoover my own floor,

And change my own sheets.

Scared to fail,

Even though at lest I'd know.

Then move on

And create another

Endless scenario.