You look like the sparkle in your eyes have dimmed

The empty bottles

Fill the bin,

And fill me with embarrassment. 

Can't wait to bin day,

Til the bin is empty

And so is my embarrassment. 

You don't think you could be an addict. 

Then all of a sudden it's everyday. 

You can't be bothered watching TV. 

Reading books or things

That you used to love, 

For they get in the way. 

You stop looking at your bank balance. 

It just gets in the way. 

And you don't get to far 

When walking the dog, 

As you'll need something

That will numb 

What you can't fix, 

The thing that won't go away. 

The sleepless nights don't help. 

And work gets in the way. 

Sometimes things feel normal. 

And you are scared 

Because you get carried away. 

The doctors can't help you. 

Another blood test 

And that says you're okay. 

But I can't be bothered, 

And that grows in its own way. 

The little things, 

Drives and adventures. 

Nights out and new recipes. 

Movies and new books. 

Now just lines and is the shop closed, 

Cause I always need. 

Always need one more. 

Always on my mind. 

One to help me sleep, 

The other to stop the sadness in my mind. 

Spud

 I'm a fool gale,

To think love is enough.

Because the thing about

People like me,

Well we will always

Be lost.

We were lost as a child.

Lost in day dreams,

A place we didn't need to hide.

And I know I'm an embarrassment

To young Fergus.

I can never get it right.

Can't grow out of this

Mind frame,

Head space,

Can't outgrow or put to rest

The trauma and abuse

Of youth.

I always get it wrong gale,

I'm not use.

I'm only holding you back,

An embarrassment to say the lest.

I can't tame this animal,

Hunted by a dark beast.

The uppers and downers

Can numb for only so long.

But I always have to return.

And it gets no better,

Just seems worse.

The sadness of my mother's eyes

When she caught me

Stealing from her purse.

You're both better off with out me.

Then you can try and forget the worse.

Just please when you think off me,

Don't think of the worse.

Coming up

 I feel silent tears

As I'm making it to the counter

In the shop

Buying beers. 

No cheers, 

No pats on the back. 

The only way is down, 

And the possibility 

I won't be able this time

To get back up.

I'm hurting, 

And hurting more then just me. 

The dog gives me sad eyes. 

While I feel woe is me. 

My worse foe is me. 

My days tired 

from 

Over thinking.

No longer binge drinking. 

I just spread it out

Through out the week. 

It takes everything not 

To call in sick. 

Everything it takes 

Just not to give up. 

Just to get in the shower 

Just got to keep it together, 

It's near the weekend 

And payday is coming up. 

You

 I'm hurting bad.

More then I can admit. 

I can't make sense of all this. 

The sore nose, 

Ripped bags and empty bottles 

Hold no clues. 

No one cares. 

It's just you. 

It will get better

The hurts too great for the mind to take.

So excuse me while I numb myself.

Nothing really stops the hurt, 

The mind never stops, 

And the everything just gets worse. 

No holiday, no doctors letter. 

Just debt and friends telling you

It will get better. 

What else would you do?

Talking to myself,

Laying close to the wall. 

The shadows of the night 

Stroke my skin 

While a tears falls. 

Regrets often snowball. 

but I can never refuse, 

Another late night arguing with myself,

About things that I can't change, 

But what else is there to do?

Is now okay?

 Is now okay?

I'm up for a good time, 

But don't have the time or money. 

The joke isn't funny anymore. 

The nights are long when you can't sleep. 

Chest sore. 

Useless heart. 

Turn off the big light. 

The bed seems smaller than I remember, 

When someone else is there. 

And it doesn't matter

How much I toss and turn. 

The birds will soon be singing. 

Telling me I've fucked up. 

That morning is almost here, 

And it's time to get up,

For round 2.

The things you wish you could forget, 

But you'll still do. 

Heat the plate and buy a few beers. 

You don't cry, 

But you do shed a few tears. 

The saddest songs

Lined up in a row. 

Just to push the feeling, 

And let the feeling grow. 

Let the nose run, 

Forget dinner. 

No rest for the wicked, 

And nowhere to run.