Bleed

 I sit with a runny nose

Exposed, I can't hide.

Felt so low, so i

Always want to get high.

Either that or hide.

Can't work out why?

I'm talking, but no one

Understands me.

So I stand at a distance

Watching people laugh

With out me.

The grass always greener.

Til I get to it.

Then it's just like before,

Just shit.

Try to explain myself,

But to fond of over sharing.

I try to hold back,

Try to learn.

Dry your eyes mate,

It's not your fault

You're hurting.

Dry your eyes mate,

The beg isn't helping.

It won't save you.

Clean your nose

Get some sleep.

My nose drips on my shirt

As I try to cling on to this high.

Don't care about tomorrow.

The depression stole that, 

And so all I want is the high.

Another beg late in the night.

I won't sleep,

As another part of me dies.

The need to great,

Hate being alone.

Noone to call,

Life captured in poems.

Words like the scars,

Deep,

But you got to let them bleed. 

It doesn't matter.

 I see the hurt in your eyes,

But they win when your soul dies.

The pain plays on your mind,

Can't sleep then can't get up,

Life feels like a waste of time.

Bill's and dust gather,

The memories hurt

But you keep them close

Like a blade to cut yourself

When your weak,

Your scars speak.

Your hurt hunts you

Like a ghost

With no need to speak.

You've heard it all.

And it is always the same.

And it doesn't stop the pain.

Doesn't slow the thoughts

Your mind running wild.

No one understands,

So alone,

As your mind over thinks

And tricks you

To make everything bad.

To make a maze with no way out.

To fill your person with

An awful doubt.

To the point you can move,

As everywhere you go

It chases you.

Your own mind

A traitor,

Turned on you.

Unfortunately

This life

Too easy to be fooled

Phone me

 Staring at the phone

Likes it's going to tell me

Something I don't know.

Looking at it for three days straight

Like a lost lover I can't let go.

The message bleep

Dopamine release.

But chasing the glide

Of a the cut from new scissors

It will never last.

The TV plays in the background

As the phone steals

My focus and time.

New diet.

Recipes for your airfrier,

God loves a trier,

The booze loves you

And lures you in.

The need for release

Trying to find peace

For a mind that doesn't stop

And a battle you can't win.

You don't know what to talk about. 

You don't know the rules.

You try to work it out

But it's not them it's you. .

Maybe try and not take things to heart.

Let the past go.

Stop carrying everything.

Because the weight keeps you low.

The day tomorrow, and the joy it brings

 The worse is bringing booze to bed,

Cause the dogs raging.

Seeing the empty bottles

After a night of no sleeping.

I got the recipe wrong.

Not enough booze to shut me down.

No sleep and a runny nose,

I wonder does everyone in work know?

As I can't help another big sniff,

Like a cheer for the night before.

Blowing my nose,

But it doesn't stop it from running more.

Vision blurred

And I could sack it all in

Just for an hour in bed.

At lest I'm not paranoid,

Because the boss is

Always staring at me,

So I know it isn't in my head.

Frozen pizza blues

I've got the frozen pizza blues,

The weekend before payday.

The money doesn't stretch the same way,

Can't afford to go out,

Can't afford to put the heating on.

Extra pair of socks and no shoulder to cry on

Hide

 What you need?

Another half. 

Shits and giggles, 

And everything is fuk it, 

It is a problem I'll deal with tomorrow. 

Trying to feel better. 

Just so much hurt. 

Sure we'll cry about it tomorrow. 

And hide the hurt.