Past my bed time.

i feel tired, but i dont want to sleep. tonight is tomorrows ghost, and the hurt and heart break are in the post.

A Self medicated life

Life is a strange wonder. I have started 2015 with a positive mind set, and it has started greatly. Though the fear and negative side kicks in and spread like cancer. I acted in like my old self from a long time ago before i lost hope, back when i self medicated with drink, drugs but most of all the thought that love could save me. Sadly one step a head, or even ten steps! head first, into the darkness, the unknown. But weirdly it is the first time in such a long time i have felt in this manner, and as wrong as it is................ IT felt alright. But now to prepare for the funk fall out, be one step a head of the crowd and beat the down by knowing what is coming as it always has come!

the heart ack of self dout.

Sleight of heart, with no trick up my sleeve, the positive thought killed by the negative need. The need to need someone who needs me, with no turning back as I walk into the sea. The moon calls and the clouds part. Call me circus of fools for sharing my heart. And the thing about a broken heart is, sooner or later the pieces are so small it doesn't matter when ever you give, them up, as they can never be fixed, like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.

The Front Left.

The front left becomes a horror of untold. Every face smiles, but they are smiles of day light robberies and hurt and pain. The space you obtain becomes small till you can't breath and the witches crackle with ease.

goodbye

the sleeping tablets kick in and i can hear the birds sing. i didnt witness nor know it was the end, but i had a sneaking feeling. i recall when i touched her thigh, and in that moment thought that things could be alright. for i had what i always wanted and wished for, i had found love. the kind you see in soap opreas, but not in movies. it was intense, a feeling i will never forget, though with time the pictures in my mind dull and fade, i will never forget.

another one

The sons of mothers in search of others, eyes lit by the dark, with fading passon that once could win a lonely heart, only rejection breaks more then tenfold. And the scene is played out in mute and ever so slow. Questions left unanswerable fester and swoll, taking up more room till the spirit is no longer whole

truth hurts.

you tell me the worse truthful lies trying to cut me when I already bleed, unknown to you how I need. you try to feed on my guilt, but anger grows instead. And the darkness covers and grows, lost souls circle the bed. but no rest, no way. and everyday pales more, and the sky is forever gray. while tomorrow is just another day. I tell you in code that I have to go, but you will never know, I already cut myself so.