Lube

 I remember,

An ex who fingered my hole.

She went in dry,

No lube, spit

Or even a tear.

Just the tip

I recoiled in terror.

The evil look in her eyes

Hunts me forever.

I said no,

As she went to the hilt.

I went soft

As the moment was killed.

And even to today,

The evil still hunts me.

Love isn't smooth

So get some ky jelly

The drip

The king of the bag.

Down to the last lick.

Runny nose,

And hayfever

Or the cold

For an excuse.

But I fuking love it.

Everything no longer

Feels shit.

An hour long wank,

As the drip falls

And hits my phone screen

As time flys

And I don't care

There and then

That I won't sleep.

Tomorrow I'll worry,

Tomorrow night

An early night I'll get.

Just let me ride the waves

Of no longer hurting

If just for a minute.

Sold out

We sold our dreams

To the machines, 

For half their worth. 

Just to buy us time, 

To make our money work. 

We don't sleep as deep, 

Or relax. 

Our noses sore, 

And our loneliness 

Numbed

As the bills pile up

With no way out. 

We don't see friends,

Can't afford to leave the house.

Everythings too loud

Too much

Not the same, 

Since covid struck. 

My scars

You named my scars

Made me feel I could

Reach the stars.

Made everything feel lighter.

Sharing myself with you

Made everything better.

I wasn't scared to be me.

Wasn't scared of being naked

With the lights on,

No longer needed to be

Lit by the TV.

Felt you understood

And I didn't have to

Watch out.

Wanted to tell you

Everything.

Never need to guess.

Never feel second best.

Didnt need the heating on

As you heated me

With a single heart beat.

Sorry for being me

There goes my fun.

Last line done.

Sniffing in hope

To cling on

To the last of the high

The last of the fun.

Don't want to check

My bank balance.

Don't want to turn

the music off.

Monday is getting closer,

And so are my problems.

The sniff eased it

If but for a moment.

I didn't have to be me.

Alone with the dog

I pretend I'm someone else.

Sending messages off

That tomorrow I'll wish wasn't me.

Telling people I love them.

But only for them to disagree.

For love is too much,

And my cup is overflowing

So can't wait to share.

But everyone is suspicious,

Because life is never fair.

Preying to god

God don't like ugly,

It was written. 

Only the beautiful get into heaven. 

I'm sure when I prey 

He doesn't listen. 

Being alone isn't promised freedom. 

Trying gets hard, 

And then I prey to God 

Share pain

 It's been nice getting to know you

You've been a pleasent surprise.

I'm just about to call k cabs 

For the 5th time.

This beer is getting flat,

And the sun is starting to shine

It's been a great night to share 

Out Trauma over buckfast wine.