What's the weather like?

Algorithm of the soul.

Scared to asked in case they say no. 

The pain of the mind 

That thinks it knows

And over thinks

Til it's destroyed everything good. 

While the rainy days seem endless. 

The clouds take over the sky. 

Bully the sun into submission. 

And the rain means 

Nothings dry. 

And will in the  soak you through. 

And rot sets in and grows 

Taking hold til you can't think what to do 

You focus on the bad, 

When there is actually so much good. 

And the pain could go away, 

Your nose could heal to. 

It's up to you start, 

Though hard when you are soaked through. 

Wine

 A pint of wine by my bed

To help me sleep. 

I bit even going to bother brushing my teeth 

Thinking of texting girls 

I haven't spoke 

To and should leave be. 

Oh woe is me, 

But then again I've got alot. 

So maybe I should just wise up. 

Half a bottle down and I've bearly ate. 

Everyday I just want to numb and forget. 

Ghost

 I see old ghosts at the bottom of the bed

Trying to melt your head. 

They dance and shake the bed. 

And disagree. 

Make you think of things 

You should let be. 

Try to keep you awake, 

Won't let you sleep. 

You feel their boney fingers 

As they talk aloud. 

Trying to drown you in doubt. 

Whispering secrets, 

You can't quite hear. 

And wanting you to hold on

To things that you used to

Cut yourself with.

Things that hold you back. 

Those old ghosts 

Are the worse craic. 

Nothing

 I respect you and your madness,

As I sniff another line of sadness. 

I'm past licking the bag. 

Could do with a cigarette 

Or something to make me feel alive. 

Someone who could make it all 

Make sense. 

Late night texts and bags. 

The endless endless of nothing. 

Maybe dream

 And you're tryna get atmosphere

Like she was here, but she's long gone

Like Rocky Balboa and Adrian

Tears drop while vou sip on your medicine. 

You'll sleep tonight son. 

No dreams, 

While you grind your teeth. 

Need to make peace. 

But the scar won't heal. 

And how do those memories feel? 

Odd one out, 

Alone, 

Feeling like your talking another language 

That noone knows. 

Scared to blow your nose. 

Those old ghosts

Still hunt ya. 

Mother who couldn't love herself, 

So how could she love you? 

A need to need someone, 

Who needs you. 

But love doesn't work 

It takes two. 

Hold on, 

To avoid drowning. 

Nothing else 

So hold it tight. 

It keeps you afloat. 

The thought that someone 

Could or might, 

Think your alright. 

That keeps your head 

Above water, 

A reason to keep up the fight. 

And maybe you might dream tonight.

The right path.

 I honestly don't know how this came to be. Or what it was lead to this moment. But I need to get help. I just don't know how. 

The nigh

 The night never starts 

when you're alone and know noone. 

 One more for the road 

Before I face the cold. 

 And every noise is too much, 

as every face reminds me of her, 

Asked do have any spare change? 

Do I pull rose petals from my pocket 

I was keeping for her 

to give to the homeless but they don't care.

Another day

 Point 4,

Verses my overdraft 

Credit card and more. 

The dogs fed and walked, 

Enough tea bags 

For me to ignore. 

My nose sore. 

My sleep isn't what it was. 

And my personality isn't what it 

Used to be. 

I can't find peace. 

Can't focus and watch TV. 

Can't be bothered, 

Can't find the joy in the simple things. 

So another point 4 

Just another day. 

The months blur 

And it seems just another day. 

Can't trust a broken heart.

 Farewell to goodbyes, not a dry eye, 

and not to mention, 

but I needed to console the soul.  

So I let you in, and the world changed. 

It was mine for a moment, 

though that moment is never enough. 

So im waking on someone else's floor 

Waking in someone else's bed. 

wishing for more then lust. 

But what happens 

When your own heart

you can't trust?

1998

 Choose life,

Messing around in school,

Big tvs,

and stereos to.

Minimum wage

Large meals at McDonald's.

Chicken burgers.

Who's round is it?

Someone phone to see

How long the taxi will be?

Friends, girls, music and

A injoke or two.

Playstation fifa.

Finger guns pointing at each other

Across many a dance floor

Not knowing how life was so short.

The party doesn't last forever. 

And egos are careless, 

While friendships are fragile. 

Chinese whispers, 

And he said, she said, they said

Nobody is right in the end. 

A life less ordinary,

Lived via weekends and paydays.

Put your money away 

I got paid, 

It's not alot but we should be okay. 

Trance and romance

 Trance and romance,

My sweetheart the drunk.

My memories my torture.

A pint of gin to try and numb,

I forgot myself and smiled.

The sky wasn't so grey.

And you only die once,

But you live everyday

The road to one more

 Should I have one more

For the road for the craic?

Or would one more be taking the piss?

Sure I've ripped the arse out of it,

May as well.

I thought it burn,

But it's cold in hell.

I shiver, the whole night through,

My feet hurt from the cold too.

The only part thst burns in hell

Is the memories,

To move on you need forget

Everything.

The heart break,

The laughs,

The hugs and so on.

But thst is all I have

So I hold on.

I can't let go to the small things

The smile on my face,

Those memories bring.

Those treasured memories,

Are my everything.

Miss you

 Should I have one more

For the road for the craic?

Or would one more be taking the piss?

Sure I've ripped the arse out of it,

May as well.

I thought it burn,

But it's cold in hell.

I shiver, the whole night through,

My feet hurt from the cold too.

The only part thst burns in hell

Is the memories,

To move on you need forget

Everything.

The heart break,

The laughs,

The hugs and so on.

But thst is all I have

So I hold on.

I can't let go to the small things

The smile on my face,

Those memories bring.

Those treasured memories,

Are my everything.

Too young to know

 I was too raw,

Scared and hurt,

Had to be better,

Faster, sharper,

Second place was never enough.

I had to hurt and draw blood.

I had to bite so hard you couldn't forget.

Just so I could feel I was good enough

That I was enough,

That was a laugh.

That I could be part of the gang.

Til the gang no longer exists.

And you grow up and realize the hurt

You cause with your sharp wit.

Always pushed it too far,

And now no one is laughing anymore.

Wild weather isn't it?

 I'll smile if you do first.

It's all well rehearsed.

Everything hurts.

Everyones gone.

Tell Eddie to call me

If somethings on.

But haven't you got my number?

I fumble, and seem not to matter.

Sure could be worse.

Could be 3 point 4s

And no laughs or applause.

On a school night, 

a Tuesday night, 

Giving up the fight. 

Sure everyone else went first. 

I wasn't supposed to outlive you all. 

So what's the point when no one calls.

The point 4s hurt my nose. 

And when I sniff I feel so cold. 

One more

 My weekends turned into wipe outs,

Texting strangers for powdered pain killer. 

No breakfast, getting up after 3,

If I didn't have the dog

Then I would just sleep. 

My nose burns, 

My head hurts. 

Nothing interests me, 

But the crash and burn. 

3 beers and a point 4.

Just to want more. 

Standing in the living room 

With no top on shadow boxing, 

But my trouble mind isn't winning. 

My runny nose isn't stopping, 

I should drink some water 

But there is always room for one more. 

It's okay, honest.

 We're not dead yet,

Maybe just over did the good times

Til the music don't quite hit

The same.

The late nights and

Getting yer five a day,

3 for 90 sounds better to me.

Definitely dehydrated,

I over did the good times,

Til I can't sleep at night.

Nose is greedy,

I'm too needy,

Lest I never sold out. 

You can lick the bag,

As long as I can lick the card.

Life is hard.

But I couldn't be.

I'll give away my love to everybody.

Love is all you need

 Less then a point 4,

My head fried, 

Life is a hell of a ride. 

Alcohol not enough 

Add cocaine and I still can't numb. 

Forgot how to have fun. 

Hard to talk when you are alone. 

The dog only understands so much. 

The empty bottles and negative debt

In my bank account. 

With a promise I'll sort it next month. 

Believing all I need 

Is to find love. 

No one cares

 How do you know if it's a cry for help.

You're up at half five,

When I haven't slept.

I had so much love,

I give it away to anyone.

Now no one cares that's gone.

I can't sleep.

The doctors don't care.

I sniffed so much my nose bleeds.

But nobody cares.

I'd sing a song,

But would you sing along?

I don't really feel

Like the meds are working.

You are right.

 Diving into the red,

A credit card that I can't pay.

Words I'm scared to say. 

I was too cruel for people to forget. 

I'm sorry I hurt you 

To the point you can't forgive. 

I destroyed everything, 

Made the good bad. 

An embarrassment.

Alone with my nose burning. 

Throwing money away. 

I can't face another day. 

I can't see another way. 

I owe more then I've got. 

And I've hurt too much. 

The phone never rings, 

But the birds have started singing again. 

I want to see you smile again. 

But I know that's not in a world I'm in. 

And the booze doesn't help. 

The endless endless

The vicious circle. 

The other thinking how 

I could of made it right. 

But I lost and letting go means 

You were right. 

Sad for the meantime.

 Mad for sadness,

No one wants to see you win anyway. 

You hide the hurt, 

But it doesn't stop the pain. 

The antidepressants stop the tears. 

But if the wound doesn't bleed

It doesn't heal. 

Feeling like nothings real. 

Sure I'll text you later. 

Living life via others 

Facebook and insta. 

Spending money I don't have 

On things I don't need. 

But just two weeks, 

Til payday and I can start again. 

Empty dance floor on the biggest night of your life.

 Lost in the moment,

Not scared, so the first to dance. 

You can't tell the future

By over thinking your past.

Chaos, madness and simple me.

You need to be tough,

But not too scared to be soft enough,

To let down your shield,

Take off your armor. 

Dancing in a field.

Handshakes, pats on the back, 

 hugs and smiles and future memories,

All as far as the eye can see.

So come on, 

Shake off the stress and dance with me.

Mistake

 The highs the lows,

My runny nose, 

And the need to need someone 

Who needs me. 

The empty cider cans

By my bed on the night stand. 

2am, I'm a clown

And I won't sleep well

If at all, 

Tonight just another mistake

That I shouldn't of made, 

But then how I can I resist 

The clown in me. 

No dinner, 

Just lines, 

The runny nose of a clown. 

Tomorrow I'll feel down, 

But then I won't learn from this mistake. 

Sense

 I'm sorry.

I am pure chaos.

I part know how I became this. 

But not what came with it. 

The dislike and hate. 

The anger. 

I don't know why it follows me. 

I can't understand it. 

It makes no sense. 

Out too late

 Bags and beers,

We're self medicating over here. 

Over did the late nights, 

Waiting for the off lience to open. 

Fake smiles, 

Stereo nazi, 

Play my mix. 

Infact na forget it. 

We don't care for Monday, 

We hate the 9 to 5.

We take anything just to feel alive. 

But the late night burn us out. 

And there is only so much we can take. 

I should of got a taxi a long time ago. 

But I can't help the urge to stay

Out too late. 

Play my choon next.

 The meds are near out,

Fegs down to who is an actual smoker

And can prove it,

Beers maybe enough to dial a drink come out.

Dead bodies,

And a table littered to the point

Of you should get a taxi and get out.

But you never let the finer details get in the way.

You are here to prove a point

And won't let anyone get in the way.

It's nit me it's you

 Rack another line

We still have time.

As time itself doesn't exist.

It's just made up.

A trap.

Like the paper and coins,

The one way street.

The poor siding with the billionaire,

In hope their lottery ticket that them there.

But it won't.

And Monday will still be the same.

Hating each other,

Cause the rich man says.

But what about the immigrants?

The Indian grooming gangs?

Well what about is it 80%

Of pedos is the white man?

But what about housing for the veterans?

There aren't many veterans left.

But still sure what about our own?

It's funny how our own mean anything,

After all these years.

Cut backs and attack.

Have you watched the news?

Most politicians come from a financially stable background.

Not caring the price of milk.

Whole 80% of homeless are from care homes.

No one to help when it gets too much.

I over spent at Christmas but can get a lend off my mum.

One missed payment,

4 days off, 

statuary sick pay doesn't cover what's owed.

Heat or eat when it's cold?

Counting pennies,

Embarrassed,

But you need to cover what you owe.

Your local pm doesn't speak your language.

Doesn't know how bad the damp is hard to manage.

Doesn't know how you survive by working two jobs,

Doesnt know how

Enough so tired,

You can't sleep.

Your brain wide awake.

And we all wish for a happy ending.

But maybe we need to stop pretending.

We are all one line away from no hope.

Crappo the clown.

 Cider and sleeping pills.

Just incase I can sleep tonight. 

It's been a fight. 

No tunnel with a light. 

No end to the sad, bad and shit times.

Lost souls, 

Take my hand, 

I can save you from the current. 

But I'm not strong enough. 

Our fingers can't hold on, 

As i lose everything I love. 

My memories. 

My close that died with out a goodbye.

As I chased my high.

Messages wrote with one eye. 

Words are no use. 

No excuse. 

I'm just trying. 

But is there any use? 

The only thing that will make me feel like I would be good to be able to sleep as well

 Numbing the pain

Drugs, alcohol and mostly cocaine. 

Dealers know me by name. 

Big dog you're the best customer 

Your craic is mighty. 

But truth is inside I'm dying. 

The cocaine use to be for hiding. 

But the mask falls, 

One line and a tear falls. 

Staring at empty rooms and pictureless walls

Hunting my own house. 

Hunted by old ghosts. 

The toss and turn as the drink wears off. 

The bed is not comfortable. 

Blood stains and tear drops on the pillow. 

The doctor can't prescribe an antidote. 

I'm lost, but not quite given up. 

But how long can cocaine keep you up? 

Sunday funday

 Born slipping.

Wasn't long before I was introduced

To the dark and long, 

Unfortunately weekends don't seem 

To last too long. 

Sunday, 

The smell of regret. 

Booze, feg smoke, 

Rave and sweat.

20 missed calls, 

11 texts. 

You're ma is raging, 

Your Sunday dinner's getting cold

And the gravy's been thrown out, 

As a sign of the parental upset.

Pale faced, 

Mouth dry. 

Unsure if to give in and admit all. 

Or give the dinner a try. 

Manage your account.

 Save my number,

Save my number.

Mate I can't even save myself.

The antidepressants

don't seem to be helping my mental health.

I can't even speak up for myself.

The doctor says a walk and fresh air

But I think there is more then that.

As I lay unable to sleep or get any rest.

My minds a mess.

My everything is stress.

The pills prescribed don't touch the sides.

I know there is so much more

Then feeling less.

Then the tight feeling in my chest.

Happy days can't be far away.

Because I need to rest.

Late nights steal my best.

And I can't fight the feeling of doom.

Trying to get out of bed,

But there is no reason to.

You made your bed,

Now you lay in it.

Sure it's near 3 you'll get up soon.