New diet.

Recipes for your airfrier,

God loves a trier,

The booze loves you

And lures you in.

The need for release

Trying to find peace

For a mind that doesn't stop

And a battle you can't win.

You don't know what to talk about. 

You don't know the rules.

You try to work it out

But it's not them it's you. .

Maybe try and not take things to heart.

Let the past go.

Stop carrying everything.

Because the weight keeps you low.

The day tomorrow, and the joy it brings

 The worse is bringing booze to bed,

Cause the dogs raging.

Seeing the empty bottles

After a night of no sleeping.

I got the recipe wrong.

Not enough booze to shut me down.

No sleep and a runny nose,

I wonder does everyone in work know?

As I can't help another big sniff,

Like a cheer for the night before.

Blowing my nose,

But it doesn't stop it from running more.

Vision blurred

And I could sack it all in

Just for an hour in bed.

At lest I'm not paranoid,

Because the boss is

Always staring at me,

So I know it isn't in my head.

Frozen pizza blues

I've got the frozen pizza blues,

The weekend before payday.

The money doesn't stretch the same way,

Can't afford to go out,

Can't afford to put the heating on.

Extra pair of socks and no shoulder to cry on

Hide

 What you need?

Another half. 

Shits and giggles, 

And everything is fuk it, 

It is a problem I'll deal with tomorrow. 

Trying to feel better. 

Just so much hurt. 

Sure we'll cry about it tomorrow. 

And hide the hurt. 

Monday you

 You're a poet and we all know it.

But fuk me,

I've work tomorrow

And can't be bothered,

To work out

Is this a suicide note,

A poem,

Or a riddle for buried treasure

Or just a woe is me.

Will you be hanging from a tree

Or a message laughing manically?

No chill isn't good on a Monday.

Headlights

Rabbit in your headlights,

Hypnotized by the spotlight, 

Mouth dry and not a clean glass in sight. 

Bank balance in the red, 

And a restful sleep won't be tonight. 

But still something keeps you out. 

Monday will come 

With noise and bright lights. 

Sore back and nose that

Keeps running with no tissue in sight.

And all the time I look like a

Rabbit in your headlights,

Counting down my time

In the spotlight.

Bed is so far,

And my stomach still doesn't feel right. 

Taxi

 Born slipping,

The sun is coming up,

And the birds are starting to sing.

“Time to go home"

They sing and I agree,

But I'm locked in and too paranoid

To leave the party.

What if they all hate me?

If I go they'll all slabber and berate me.

Does everyone really hate me?

Eyes wonder and look back

To the last few cigarettes in the pack.

The beer flavourless and over fizzy.

"OK, can someone order me a taxi?"

Alcohol and drugs

Want me to save the world 

I don't understand.

How can you expect this of one man?

Holding on to everything with sore hands.

I wish I could be a kid again 

And forget the things 

That left me scarred and sad.

The fear of growing up with out a dad.

The conflict of a mother's jealousy.

The suffocating shyness.

The feeling of being wrong.

Just for the things you love

To be taken away

And the things you shared,

Now you hold on to them alone.

The loneliness grows as you get old.

Your world gets smaller.

Less handshakes and hugs.

Less understanding,

And more alcohol and drugs. 

The time you lost

Yolo,

But it still hurts, 

Try to unwind, 

But that isn't how my mind works. 

No chill, 

I find hard to sleep. 

Friday I could do with a early night. 

But I can't help following

The self destructive needs. 

The hours past quick, 

And the high never lasts.

And I lie when anyone asks,

"how are you?"

For what would being honest do?

What do I have to prove?

The trick is not to get obsessed

With all the times you lose. 

The mind

 I couldn't even trust myself. "what

do you mean?" 

she asks.

Ther is so many answers,

and yet none I can explain to her. 

See the worse thing about genius, 

Is we tend to want to destroy

ourselves, self destruction is a release from our minds. 

<

.

You

The weight of the attention you seek.

The quiet before you lose control. 

Light headed off the high, 

The worse you get.

The more you drink. 

Any nobody is safe. 

In a bad place, 

But it's all you know. 

You had to let the cuts bleed,

Or they will never heal.

And the drink and drugs

Won't stop the hurt.

You just share it

And make others feel your pain.

Though they don't know.

And it gets lonely,

And the nights are long.

Talking to myself,

Wishing I could sleep

Before the sun shines. 

The weight of the unspoken

The places I've been,

The things I've seen. 

That wasn't my hurt, 

But I felt the sting. 

Carried that fear, 

Turned it into anxiety 

That wasn't my own. 

Wasn't safe even in 

What I called home. 

We fuked up, 

Scared to talk. 

Which made the scars

Dark and long. 

And things that 

You shouldn't carry alone. 

You can't dance it off, 

Or drink the pain away. 

Smacking out is sweet 

But you got to face it 

On Sunday. 

The burden grows heavy. 

The weight hurts those 

That love you. 

Because if you can't say what's wrong,

Then no one can help. 

The feelings never leave, 

And the words are so heavy. 

Your mouth drys as you try 

But play it off again. 

Be me

 Urban decay

Half truths

And pills to numb us, 

But never takes the pain away. 

I've over thought it, 

That takes the fun away. 

And when it's night time

I won't be able to sleep anyway. 

Uppers and downers, 

Just want to feel alive for a while,

Not even a day.

Just feel more

Then a need to need

Someone who needs me.

Someone who will stay.

Someone I don't need to impress

And I can be me.

Hello, didn't see you

 Clean my own cooker,

Wash my own briefs.

Yet and still

I lack confidence

And

Although I've practiced

A 100 things to say,

All I got is hello

And eyes that don't see.

A heart scared off rejection,

And a mind over thinking

The worse that could be.

Even though I hoover my own floor,

And change my own sheets.

Scared to fail,

Even though at lest I'd know.

Then move on

And create another

Endless scenario. 

Welcome the new day

Arguments with yourself 

At this hour can never be won.  

Sadly the feeling of unrest 

Isn't so easy undone.  

The bed feels uncomfortable 

No matter how much I toss or turn. T

he night grows darker 

Just like the feelings off doom.

The mind won't rest,

Going over things

That I need to let go and forget.

Need to forgive

The chest tight

As the birds sing,

Welcoming the sunlight. 

Diy

King of the bag,

Sore nose included. 

The sleepless nights, 

Everyday 

The on going flight or fight. 

The over thinking wears me out. 

Always wrong, 

even when I'm right. 

Change my own bed clothes 

And put my wash on. 

Clean my own dishes, 

Put away my own socks. 

You have to be independent

To be lonely, 

Scared to ask for help. 

Carry my own weight. 

Do it myself. 

I feel. 

Be more normal

 Dark and long,

When did it stop being fun?

Monday comes to quick,

And work makes me feel

Stressed and sick.

I can't work out

Who will i be today? 

All the masks to wear, 

But

I've only ever been me.

But never enough is never enough.

And I've been on this journey

Dark and long enough.

Smiles hide

When I don't know what to say.

It's OK,

It falls on deaf ears

And pushed away.

The stress eats away.

Who am I?

Or who will I pretend to be today?

The want to stay in bed.

Play dead.

Nothing changes,

Just the weather.

And wither or not I'll stay.

You lose hope

When the doctors have nothing

To stop the pain. 

To slow my mind. 

Lonely late nights,

And lost days.

Doesn't matter if the sun shines

I try and mask,

Be more normal.

Get a habit

And let it kill you. 

Skip ad

 To be wrong

As my nose runs. 

The dog wants to go to bed. 

I want to drink til I forget. 

No one answers the messages I sent. 

No one knows the mess I'm in. 

I can't stop, 

Cause I just want to stop thinking. 

Repost maybe?

 Brexit at Tiffanys,

It's not me, it's you.

It's not us.

It isn't that it couldn't of been.

It's just something I can't explain.

Rubbish, dancing with the wind.

Trying to shower away a life of sin.

A fight, you'll never win.

R u OK?

Blood sports,

Scars on a broken heart. 

A friend in the dark.

Was one of those

Are you sure it was a dream?

Dreams.

The fine line,

Like a button you shouldn't touch.

Has to be crossed.

Is it my fault?

Or can I blame someone else? 

Everyone has a part to play. 

And the road never ends. 

One dance left,

I tell my knees! 

Sure tomorrow's another day.