We possible don't know each other,

The fear of fear, don't ask the question cause you know you don't want to hear, but the here and now as the dreams darken and weight on your chest grows heavy, and i would lift you if i could but at the moment, i'm not feeling so good, myself. And i'm moved but not close enough to hold on for good. so the days are counted down and the feeling of here and now, and the morning is harder to grasp. the emptiness off another temptress. the void of wanting and the wait, till everything that has been before is so far away you really cant believe it was ever here or there as it may of been, your still living believing the time will come to leave your mark, but it is hard to see your mark when you close the curtains and sit in the dark.

a heart is a useless curse.

i give up my eyes for a blind man to see, and now i cant shake the feelings of dread while i'm laying in my bed,

and Sunday morning is every other day it seems, i'm a drag queen with out the make up and last night i would forget if i could remember enough to forget, but the buzz in the back of my head is the sort that will keep you awake and the sleeping tablets don't dull the ach. and tonight i'm just chancing, i'm dancing if your asking

Past my bed time.

i feel tired, but i dont want to sleep. tonight is tomorrows ghost, and the hurt and heart break are in the post.

A Self medicated life

Life is a strange wonder. I have started 2015 with a positive mind set, and it has started greatly. Though the fear and negative side kicks in and spread like cancer. I acted in like my old self from a long time ago before i lost hope, back when i self medicated with drink, drugs but most of all the thought that love could save me. Sadly one step a head, or even ten steps! head first, into the darkness, the unknown. But weirdly it is the first time in such a long time i have felt in this manner, and as wrong as it is................ IT felt alright. But now to prepare for the funk fall out, be one step a head of the crowd and beat the down by knowing what is coming as it always has come!

the heart ack of self dout.

Sleight of heart, with no trick up my sleeve, the positive thought killed by the negative need. The need to need someone who needs me, with no turning back as I walk into the sea. The moon calls and the clouds part. Call me circus of fools for sharing my heart. And the thing about a broken heart is, sooner or later the pieces are so small it doesn't matter when ever you give, them up, as they can never be fixed, like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.

The Front Left.

The front left becomes a horror of untold. Every face smiles, but they are smiles of day light robberies and hurt and pain. The space you obtain becomes small till you can't breath and the witches crackle with ease.

goodbye

the sleeping tablets kick in and i can hear the birds sing. i didnt witness nor know it was the end, but i had a sneaking feeling. i recall when i touched her thigh, and in that moment thought that things could be alright. for i had what i always wanted and wished for, i had found love. the kind you see in soap opreas, but not in movies. it was intense, a feeling i will never forget, though with time the pictures in my mind dull and fade, i will never forget.