Do it

 Do it for Bailey, make the most of his life and make it as great as you can. Instead of laying in bed unable to move. You only have a short time together, and you already feel regret. So keep trying, day by day. He loves you so much as you love him.

Do it for yourself, no matter how dark today was, tomorrow is another chance and new start. You have came to far to just lay down and let yourself sink. Overcame so much that would of destroyed others. You wounds hurt, but to heal you must first bleed. Til they are but scars. 

Think about the bigger picture, not just rush in head strong with excitement. There is so much more to life then living in a moment of madness. Life is a series of moments, days and so on. Every new one is a new chapter and chance. Life no matter what goes on, and so should you. 

Ruta and sadness are parts of life, but they don't make up all of it. But it is you that has to get up, to move forward. 

Even as tired as you are, that also isn't forever.