Nightmare.

So I am hittin a week of no wankin over porn, and today is the worse day. Porn is all I can think of and how great it would be to see those naked bodies....

It will for sure be worth it, wont it?

My problem is that i have lived a blog insted of a life...

Well it is joy i have found my self in a relsonship, which means the findin of a girlfriend isnt a stress i bear thank goodness! Someone holdin you is probly one of the greastest things ever. So we enjoy long walks and cooking, she does the dishies i crack the jokes its a match made in heaven. Tho as everything we started haven sex and the first night was grand barr it taken ages for me to cum. The second night i couldnt atall and lost my erection a few times leadin to such worry you would not believe.

See on my mind is why is this happenin? Is this due to just stress? Is it me? My age? Her?

Realy it was just non stop worry, but i also linked it to the fact i have been wankin non stop over internet porn for some time! And thought to myself what if i am so used to the exstreams of internet sex normal sex wouldnt do it for me atall?

So I am on day three of no internet porn, its going well..........................

MMMMbop.

I was thinkin of taken up smoken the dopez again so i can see the inside of my mind, to find out whats realy going on inside, but im scared of what i might find, if it would be to much and send me over the edge and out to lunch. and that is just a start see i rember panic attacks and broken hearts. the black grows with every tired day, im tryin hard but my enimies wont go away. so does god hear when i pray. i ask for forgiveness but noone answers me. lost and alone, wishin i was home while home so it makes me think were is my home as this doesnt feel right.

And as you can see i defo need soemthing to chill me out

Its horrible being sick all the time

So its creepin back in.
The darkness i have feared for so long has returned.
The dark of your eyes as i try to find the white. Wake Up.
Its been dark for to long and now i cant help but sleep throught the light.
Im fucked cause this cant be life. My best days are well behind.
The day to day leaves me less with noone to hear my cry.
Would you could you be my trusty tissue tonight.
No,
as ever i have to face this endless night the torture to be myself by myself
such a fight but could i be free by midnight to dream away the days.
So dont wake me please, let me lay, and if i wake let me lie.
For if you knew would you let it go,
and if you could would you catch those tears or let them fall.
Steal my skys and and give me your beautiful lies,
in bows and and out with the tide.
Did I tell you how much i dont want you but need you by my side to face daylight.

Who Are you Tonight? Hopelessly Devoted

I've been silly, i've been thinkin about you again,

thinkin what it would be like to burn that old flame.

your names on my tounge, shame what have i done,

everything, still its not enought.

so as always time taken to much of too little.

its always the same,

fuck me will this ever end?

so im tryin to sleep, but your keepin me awake.

from a distance i can feel, like i used to.

but feelins are still a little numb,

and im wondern if you could help.

a text there or maybe a email.

or i could even call to your home.

but that wouldnt be on after so long

the feelins you had are long gone.

its just im holdin on as ever

fightin the good fight in my head all day long

but its not in my favour and in the end noones won.

rewrite of older blog

she's a gamble, hearts she takes.

she's a cold hand at the wake.

Midnight she hears me breath cursen the sky were sould i be?

lets call it evens and let me leave but to be honest how i cant see.

blinded by tomorrow for she wont leave me be.

she's a storm in a teacup wrecken my head till i can break free.

she is lost time and the seconds hand tick leaven me less,

in her arms i felt blessed.o

ne more chance is more then i could have.

but, i'll smile to hide the hurt inside.

lookin down as i walk,

feelings lost and thoughts of tomorrow she stole while my back is turned.

she's a future i'll never see but sure lest i have the memoires.

hiden benith the moon of heartbreak she is gone

there is no way out so now shes a thorn.

she is her and noone knew what she'd steal,

this cant be,why is it the blame is left for me.

if this is a dream why cant i wake she is cruel thinkin nothing of the hearts she breaks.

not tonight dear my head is sore and i need to rest.

my heart is broke i just dont know what to say, i thought you could be the one to help me find a cure but now im left outside in the cold knockin on the door of life and lonelyness is my motal enemy creeping behind me everywere i go, i try not to let it get me to see my weakness but it knows to well, and its comin to get me, its comein with every step i hear it gettin closer and closer, they say im bein dramatic but im just bein honest, i know the cold of its bones and i hear the sound of its foot steps as it draws closer to were i rest. i know it wont be long till i can feel its breath on my neck as i try to sleep , but sadly i also know the demons and by there names who keep me awake. tho i dare not say there names to noone, noone must know, and noone must know you knwo i know who they are.